Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Look! Mom's Robbing a Bank & She's On TV! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Look! Mom's Robbing a Bank & She's On TV!

BREAKING DUMBASS NEWS: Your Fearless Leader is sick.

And I don't mean The Good Kind of Sick like writing Lezbean Pron under a pseudonym such as Idontsuk Weinerscnitzel - not that kind of sick.

I was supposed to have some surgery done tomorrow, but since I flat don't feel good, I had to re-schedule it for early December - that kind of sick.

In light of this Tragic Turn of Events, and by "Tragic Turn of Events" I naturally mean "here's another episode of ......."

Best of Dumbass News!

It takes a Special Breed of Dumbass to rob a bank.

One Dumbass held up a bank, fled the premises and then, realizing the meager amount of money he had stolen, went back into the bank to get more!

Another Shit-For-Brains knocked over a bank, got the cash and quickly exited the place and promptly hopped into his getaway bus! A City bus.

Ramping up the Dumbassery to astronomical heights was a chick named Jasmyne. After one of her bank heists, she went home and promptly implicated herself on Facebook!

While today's story involves a bank robbery, there's a twist to it that would make Chubby Checker contort himself up like a pretzel.

Let me splain.

Film at Eleven

On a recent night a Guy in Byron Township, Meech-i-gan was settling down at home getting ready to watch the local TV news.

One of the stories on that evening's newscast was of the robbery of a local Bank of America branch. The Thief was a schlub (in this case a female schlub) who needed some money to support her habit. The Female Schlub presented the bank teller with a note saying that she was robbing the bank in order to do some good stuff for her grand kids. Of course, in this case, "grand kids" means "crack cocaine".

God Bless America!
During the presentation of the news story, a photo of the alleged bank robber was flashed across the TV screen. The Guy took a look and thought, "Damn! That lady looks familiar!".

There is a good reason that the face of the alleged crook rang a bell with The Guy. 

It was his mother!

Upon seeing his mother, as recorded by a bank surveillance camera, on Eyewitness News at 11, plastered across TV screens all over Meech-i-gan, The Guy could have reacted in numerous ways.

Let us explore those ways:
  • Hi, Ma!
  • Neat! Mom's on TV!
  • Mom has a shirt just like the one that lady is wearing!
  • Damn, that's one ugly bitch!
  • Holy shit! That ugly bitch is my Mom!
  • All right! My college loans will be paid off!
  • Except I didn't go to college.
  • I can finally get a new X-Box!
  • Dammit! Mom's going to prison! Now I have to move out of her basement!
  • Call the cops.
He called the cops.

And Mom's on her way to The Big House .....and I don't mean that Big Ass Football Stadium in Ann Arbor.


***Thanks to The Blaze***
***Image from WOOD-TV***


  1. "That's why they call it 'dope.'" cliche but true.
    She can't be too far gone, not on crack, judging by her appearance. I mean her hair, is SO SHINY. You don't typically see that in a crack head. Mayhaps she should sell her hair to a wig-maker?? Is that a thing? She could think of something to sell I'm sure.

  2. Hey, you get better, danggitall!

    To that end, prayers have been sent.


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