Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: 30 Things You'll Never Hear a Southern Dumbass Say! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, December 9, 2013

30 Things You'll Never Hear a Southern Dumbass Say!

THE TOP 30 THINGS THAT YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN DUMBASS SAY:

3
0. When I retire, I'm movin' north. 

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and lettuce instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who cares who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many mounted deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate.

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey! Here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN DUMBASS SAY:

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole bus load of us down to WATCH THE BALLET PERFORM TODAY!!!

***Thanks to Uncle Robert***

9 comments:

  1. Always wonderfully entertaining
    Great way to start my Monday. While I live in the south ~ though really how southern is Florida, I am a transplanted Yankee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lady Bren!

      I am a Texan living in The Land of Yankees, so you and I wet opposite directions. LOL

      Thank you so much for your support. I am very grateful for it.

      Delete
    2. Hey, Dumbasses! Click on Lady Bren's name and go to her Google + page then click over to her blog. She's a great writer and has some very interesting posts there.

      Delete
    3. And you sleep well at night? Well now DumbFuck. You lead a dumbass website so that makes u. a dumbass leader. Aint nothin wrong with Southerners. QUEER BOY.

      Delete
    4. Yes. I sleep well at night.

      The site's title is "Dumbass News". I am the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde.

      I am from Texas.

      By definition I am a Southerner.

      Our ancestors fought on the same side in the War of Northern Aggression.

      Your are a Mental Midget.

      Suck a dick.

      Prison bitch.

      Have a nice day.

      Delete
  2. Love from below the Mason Dixon Line! But seriously, duct tape CAN fix just about anything!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Duct tape is the Greatest Invention in the History of Inventions. Except for bacon. However, Duct Tape does hold a BLT together very nicely if needed. It's tasty too!

      Delete
  3. Aren't all of these in the Dumbass Redneck Bible?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or as we call it..."NASCAR & Pick Up Truck Weekly"

      Delete

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