Dumbass Gift Giving Advice: Give More Bling to Your Wife Than Your Slut-On-the-Side

The Internet is a wonderful thing.

Most of the time.

With a few keystrokes, you can look up medical advice, get directions to just about anywhere, read brilliant commentary like you do on this very site (OK, not so much) and set up an extramarital rendezvous.

I. Kid.You. Not.

You can even find someone to cheat on your spouse with!

I am not talking about finding someone in a chat room or party site, I am talking about a site whose sole purpose is specifically to line you up with a paramour! If you think I'm kidding, click this link.

Notice their motto? "Life is short. Have an affair". 

How about a motto like "You put your gazebos on the chopping block, we give your wife the ginsu knife?" As a Professional Dumbass News Researcher, I can assure you that websites like the one at the link above are not uncommon, sadly, and there's always Some Dumbass looking to make a buck off the marital discord of Some Other Dumbass.

I point out the aforementioned site because I found an article that stated that mistresses of married men receive better Christmas presents than their wives!

What the hell??!!

These Dumbass Married Fuckers buy their sluts girlfriends jewelry, lingerie and trips to the day spa. Those pesky women these assholes married for better or worse, sickness and health and all that, get perfume, bath and body products and the always-romantic gift card. This vital information comes from a survey conducted by the web site at the link above. All told, according to Whores R Us (I just made that part up), men spend twice as much money on their concubines than on their wives. From the article in question, the web site "says it has been keeping an eye on this aspect of holiday gift-buying for five years, says it got 143,717 responses this year, up from 28,994 in 2006.

And with the United States going through some tough economic times, the survey found men are showing financial restraint -- spending 22 percent less on their wives compared with 2006, while putting a freeze on their extramarital spending." 

Let me get this straight. Wives - the mother of the Taint Stain's children, his partner-for-life gets a 22% cut in Christmas gift value and the gold digging hookers of these same men still get the usual pay-for-pussy rates.

Sounds like Commie Economic Voodoo, pay the shiftless and punish the "producers".

But, I digress.

On that happy note, I hope Santa delivers ginsu knives to all the betrayed wives along with a "How To De-Gazebo a Philandering Douche Nozzle" instruction manual, along with a nice bout with genital herpes to the sleazy skanks that screw those dickweeds.

Merry Christmas.

Dumbasses.