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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Hoser Science Guys: Fast Food Fooks Up Your Brain!

I was an unmarried Fearless Leader for many years before I met and eventually got hitched to Mrs. Fearless Leader.

In those days, I did all The Things Necessary for Survival, myself.

I cleaned my house, drank beer, did my own laundry, drank beer, cooked and drank more beer.

I'm a pretty good cook, but I don't do it much anymore since I got hitched to Heather, but back in The Old Days I was known to cook a damn good T-Bone, make a bad ass pot of red beans and put together some Mucho El Good-o Meskin Cornbread.

And drink a shit load more cold beer.

Let me tell you, it's hard work being a Single Fearless Leader doing all The Things Necessary for Survival and drinking all that beer.

To be honest, though, I didn't cook a helluva lot, just when I felt like it. Or when I wanted a T-Bone or a bad ass pot of red beans and a side of Meskin Cornbread. I often ate at fast food joints such as Whataburger, McDonalds or Taco Bell.

Fast Food and the Brain

I was making good use of my Google Fu Super Powers today when I came across an article on the effects of fast food on the brains of Human Beans.

"Researchers" at the University of Toronto have come to several interesting conclusions regarding this
Hoser U.

Point: Just seeing fast food restaurants or their logos "not necessarily even eating it - can trigger impatience and make it more difficult to savor more enjoyable experiences like listening to an opera or looking at photos of nature." <--- (Fox News/Mens Health) 

Counter Point: Now I don't know about you, but nothing turns me off to opera and photos of nature like the thought of a half dozen or so greasy ass tacos from Jack in the Box. On the other hand, the only opera I ever want to hear is one made up of Merle Haggard songs. Call me uncultured if you must, but to me that would be an Enjoyable Experience.

Point: The mere act of walking past a fast food place can fuck up your Financial MojoThe same U of Toronto Dumbasses say that when "participants were offered the choice between choosing a reward the next day or a slightly bigger one the next week", those people asked when standing by a fast food restaurant "were 40% more likely to opt for the smaller, speedier payout than those who were questioned near a full service eatery."

Counter Point: I don't give a shit where the hell I am standing, if some idjit offers me the choice of fifty bucks right now or sixty dollars in a week, I am all over the fifty Big Ones right now! Unless of course getting the cash flow is contingent on doing something stoopid like actually spending the money at the fast food establishment. This contingency is contingent on whether or not I have recently partaken of a Manually Assembled Relaxation Device (MARD), i.e., a Fattie. If this is the case, then all bets on when and where I spend the cheese.

Point: You know why McDonalds and other fast food chains use red and yellow in their logos? Because the combination of those two colors makes you fucking HUNGRY! In other words, it's a Marketing Ploy! 

Counter Point: Red and yellow, schmed and yellow...after a hawg leg sized MARD, a McDonalds sign could be Baby Shit Lime Green and I'm still hittin' 'em up for a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a Big Mac and two large orders of fries. Fuck a bunch of "marketing".

There's a bunch of other "Scientific Evidence" supporting the claims of the "researchers" who put out this yak shit, but it's even more stoopid than what I have pointed out.

My Conclusion

I call bullshit.

I am of the Considered Opinion that this study was actually conducted by the Crack Head Mayor of Toronto. Or a couple of Hosers who were heavily involved in the Mass Consumption of Molson. And a not-so-insignificant quantity of Canada's Finest Herb.

That is my conclusion.


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