Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Save Old People in New Jersey By Taxing Bicycles! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Save Old People in New Jersey By Taxing Bicycles!

Here we are in what is arguably the worst economic period in the United States since the Great Depression.

Big Gubmint Types, like the Dipshit in Chief, do what they do every time the economy turns even the least bit sour.

They yell from the highest mountain top for higher taxes, especially on the rich.

Despite having been proved an Ass Load of Fail every time it's been tried, Big Gubmint Types continue to scream for more taxes.

Sometimes, they refer to a new tax as a "fee". 

It's still a damned tax, Dumbass!

The latest Big Gbmint Type Asswipe to want to confiscate more of your money is a Democrat (go figure) from New Jersey (go figure again) named Cleopatra Tucker of Essex, NJ.

Cleo's brilliant idea is to tax bicycle riders by having them register their bikes!

Now she wants the Gubmint to issue license plates for bikes! 
Dumbass-in-Chief On a Bike Which Cleo Wants to Tax

Wait a minute, this gets even better.

Cleo's reasoning for taxing your bike?

This is Double Barrel Dumbassery, folks.

Cleo wants to tax your bike in order to make the streets safer for old people! “My goal was to at least begin a discussion of how best to protect elderly pedestrians. No idea is perfect, but protecting elderly pedestrians deserves attention,” said Tucker.

Dumbassopatra said that several old folks had called her office to complain about being knocked over by bike riders.


Anyway, in Cleo's mind taxing the bike is going to make it safe for the old folks of New Jersey to hobble down the street! 

What. The. Fuck?

If an old guy gets knocked on his ass by a bicyclist, two things come to mind.

  • One, he's senile and is walking in the street or 
  • Two, the bike rider is riding on the sidewalk and breaking an existing law. 
Oh, I apologize. I simply forgot how taxing and registering cars has virtually eliminated auto accidents.

How stoopid of me.

I'm sure that police officers all over Jersey would be on the lookout for a six year old without a state-approved license plate on his bike. I mean, the cops don't have a single more important thing to do than bust bike registration scofflaws. I am getting a headache.

After being called everything but a Child of God for the last week, Cleodumbasstra Tucker decided that maybe her idea wasn't such a good idea. Ya think? Now bicyclists all over New Jersey are free to run over senior citizens at will once again and then Cleo baby will again call for some kind of tax to keep seniors safe from the menacing hordes of New Jersey bike riders.

I have an idea: why tax the bikes when you can tax the old people! I'm sure there are more old people than bikes in NJ, so the revenue generated by this type of law would solve every conceivable economic problem in The Garden State! Tax 'em enough and they'll all become shut-ins, thus keeping them safe from those evil bicyclists. And if a little old lady strolls on the sidewalk, she does so at her own risk and she's fair game for the next Schwinn zooming by!

That makes as much sense as anything Cleopatra Tucker has proposed.



  1. Let's also tax and license-plate all kids. There have been many complaints from old people that kids just won't get off their lawn.

    1. Tattoo the Little Bastiges! Then tax the tattoos!

      Dumbass Horde...List of X has a real good blog. Click on his name and go check it out!

    2. Thanks for the shout out. Yours is pretty cool too - but do you have this blog in Wordpress? I've only figured out how to follow WP blogsso far.

    3. Thanks, list!

      Yes, I have a Wordpress version of Dumbass News, too. Here's the link:

      To follow this version, simply look in the right side bar and follow by email, Facebook or Twitter. Click on one of those images and you'll be prompted along and "Dumbass News" will be delivered to you by way of one of those media.

      Thanks again and Merry Christmas!


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