Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Survey Says! 1 in 5 of You Use Cell Phone During Sex! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Survey Says! 1 in 5 of You Use Cell Phone During Sex!

Best of Dumbass News

There seems to be some recurring themes littering showing up on the pages of Dumbass News. I'm not sure why that is, but the fact that these topics routinely appear here indisputable.

Examples of Recurring Themes: 

The stories listed above are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg in their respective categories.

Taking Center Stage once again today:

Cell Phones!

Did you know that even the simplest of today's cell phones have more computing power than the computers aboard the space ships that went to the moon in the late 60s and early 70s? They do. Now if we can ever figure out how to fasten a rocket engine to a cell phone and blast it off to the moon......:)

Anyway.....I came across an article on showing exactly how cell phone owners put their devices to use and when. The Good Folks at DashBurst went to a few college campii (<---- a little Rush Limbaugh Lingo there) and ask the students about their cell phone usage.

Here's what the DashBurst survey came up with:
Sex Toy

31% - Text their Exes
22% - Snap Selfies
17% - Use a Metronome App
10% - Order Take-Out
8% - Return Dad's Call
6% - Set it to Vibrate
5% - Play (and sing along to) “Girl I Want to Make You Sweat”
1% - Play “Thriller” on Repeat  

There's nothing really out of whack on that list except maybe the last two. 

I have never heard "Girl I Want to Make You Sweat", but if the song is as good as the title, then Mrs. Fearless Leader is in for a treat.

Over the last thirty years, I have heard "Thriller" almost as many times as "Stairway to Heaven"Enough said.

The Big Reveal (with Obligatory Dumbass News Spew Alert) 

Respondents to this survey in the 18 - 34 Age Group provided One of the Most Dumbass Answers to a survey question that has ever been given in the History of Dumbass Survey Question Answers. 

A full 20% (that's 1 in 5, folks!) admitted to using their smartphones while they were "gettin' some"! 

What. The. Fuck.! (pun intended)

You're telling me that 20% of college students ages 18 - 34 were talking, texting, web surfing, etc. while they were gettin' laid! ?! 

Now, isn't that interesting?

What I Think 

  1. 20% of the women from 18 to 34 are being deprived of a good session of bumpin' uglies.
  2. 20% of the guys from 18 to 34 are woefully pitiful and selfish in the sack. 
  3. How can a man or woman do the dirty deed with any sort of intimacy while using a smartphone?
  4. Does the guy/girl using the cell phone during sex hump to the rhythm of 100 words per minute of typing? 
  5. How many words per minute does it take to complete the experience?
  6. Is this act of carnal knowledge called "The QWERTY"?
  7. When the typist uses an exclamation point while texting during sexing, is there added "umphffff" in the thrusting motion?
  8. Is "Thriller" played on a loop while the act is taking place.
  9. That would explain the rapid deflation of a man's weenie at this crucial time.
  10. This, however, seems like a great time to sing along with "Girl I Want to Make You Sweat". 
  11. iSex?
  12. HTC? (Hit That Cooter)
  13. Every Dumbass reading this story will now have an earworm of "Thriller" , along with gratuitous
    Michael Jackson in zombie make up playing his/her head for the next umpteen times they are having sex.
"It's after miiiiiddnight....."



  1. Back in my day, it was often said of a certain segment of the population, defined by their gender and religious affiliation, would, "Just lay there and take it."

    I found this to be untrue. My significant other was of that demographic, and she was very active during sex - she'd balance the checkbook, munch on a Pop Tart, call her mom, channel surf...

    I wonder what she might've accomplished if smart phones had been invented back then...

  2. If she would have made breakfast in bed....#Winning #PostClimactic

  3. Debbi DeChellis (Oregon Dumbass Society)December 22, 2013 at 9:01 AM

    Now I am not sure how many people and what ages do this but I enjoy "Porn Surfing" during the act of sex. It helps with my imagination while I hunt down my favorite actors in compramising positions, like Charlie Hunnam a.k.a. Jax on Sons of Anarchy. My Hubby doesn't mind this. As long as I say my Hubbys name during the act. Which is quiet a challenge I must admit. I have nicknamed this " Stalking" ! There are no restraining orders ...... yet. Let's see if DashBurst has statistics on that.

    1. I am willing to conduct a survey on this matter of utmost Scientific importance. And porn.


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