Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Deflated Balloons Look Like Jellyfish to Stoopid Sea Turtles! Balloon Banning on Beach Ensues! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, January 24, 2014

Deflated Balloons Look Like Jellyfish to Stoopid Sea Turtles! Balloon Banning on Beach Ensues!

As you know, there are Dumbasses of every stripe breathing your air.

Some of the biggest Dumbasses are the Save the Earth/Animals Dipshits.
Often Mistaken for Jellyfish By Stoopid Sea Turtles

You know the kind.

The Dumbasses who pour paint on a fur coat while another Human Bean is still wearing it!

Or some numb nuts who sets car dealerships on fire to "save the world" from the scourge that is global warming, or should I say climate change?

don't care, because climate change as these Dumbasses define it, is a fucking hoax. 

It might be worth noting here that pouring paint on a $5000 fur coat and saving the world by committing arson are what are known in legal parlance as "felonies".

As for the Animal Rights Dumbasses, I like animals just fine.

I like them medium rare.

Since there's not another planet we can send these Douchenozzles to, and other things I'd like to see done to them are against the law, ridiculing them and exposing them as the purveyors of hate for humans and vigilante violence against those who disagree with them for the idjits that they are, are my tools of choice.

Hence, I shall ridicule them until my ass falls off from laughing.

And my ass ain't even loose yet.

So in this particular post we are gonna be dealing with a Save the Animals Dumbass.

Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina is probably a good place to live. I'm sure it's a town occupied by many good people.

However, 60% of Wrightsville Beach's elected officials are Dumbasses. And I mean Dumbasses.

I arrived at that 60% figure like this : there are five aldermen who serve the citizens of Wrightsville Beach and three of them are Dumbasses. Three is 60% of five.

The reason that these three dickweeds are Dumbasses is because they voted to outlaw balloons in the city! The ordinance in place says that if you are caught carrying a balloon while strolling the beach in Wrightsville Beach, you'll be issued a citation for one hundred dollars! If you let your balloon float away into the wild blue yonder, that's another $250!

Of the three Assbag Aldermen who voted for this law, one deserves "special" attention. Her name is Lisa Weeks. She's the Dumbass who cast the deciding vote on this piece of shit bill.

The Nanny State Liberation Front picks it up from there: Weeks said she did it “for the sea turtles.” She and her fellow members of the Bigots Against Balloon Brigade are convinced that sea turtles confuse deflated balloons for yummy jellyfish, resulting in "suffocation and death."

Proven Dangers to Deflated Ballons
I am not making this up!

Ms. Weeks, as you can now see, is a Dumbass Cum Laude which is Latin for "my head is buried a couple of feet deep into the sand in my vagina."

And the fact that at least 50% plus one vote of the voters of Wrightsville Beach elected this moron, means that they ain't exactly in line to receive Rhodes Scholarships.

I am curious as to how many dead sea turtles who have been suffocated by deflated balloons have washed ashore in Wrightsville Beach.



Eleventy!!!!11!!!1 ?

I'll go out on a limb here and say that the count is exactly ZERO.

I am a Risk Taker like that.

A word of advice for the voters of Wrightsville Beach comes from a commenter on the NSLF. Miss Wynonna says, "Very simple…..Either VOTE them out next election cycle, OR start a recall pettion to get them removed from their positions….." 

Or write in Miss Wynonna's name as an alternative to the three Taint Stains who passed this ordinance.

When she wins, celebrate by releasing a few hundred helium-filled balloons into the air.

Then if any sea turtles found to have suffocated from deflated-balloons-mistaken-for-jellyfish wash ashore, make turtle soup.



  1. She could do me a huuuuge favor and off herself so she stops polluting the world in which I live.

    1. Hopefully she'll mistake a deflated balloon for a tasty jellyfish.

      Problem solved.

  2. She would kill her own unborn child I'm sure, but she's worried about some stupid turtle? Typical libtard

  3. Ok going to take a little different stance in that it is true that sea animals are dying while ingesting our waste that ends up in the oceans. We're big Turtle Lovers. With that being said....
    This is the question I have for this intelligent committee>>>>
    Am I allowed to buy a Balloon in Your Town? If the answer is yes then your ruling is completely fluff and stuff.
    I would guarantee you that they're looking to win some pointless accolade for their community as being "Turtle Friendly" or something stupid like that. Have they stopped their retailers from selling balloon? Come on people.As if letting a balloon go from the city park is any different from letting one go at the beach.
    I'm all for the throwing back the Jellyfish changed its life thought process but this is JUST STUPID
    Ok thank you for my daily rant exercise
    Lady Bren

    1. Quick Dumbass Turtle Story: My family and I were coming back from a vacation to Mrs. Fearless Leader's home town. It's only a 200 mile one-way trip, but our daughters (then about 3 & 8) are "spirited" kids, so we were ready to get home. About 3 miles from home on a well-traveled highway, a traffic jam appeared out of nowhere. The reason? A lady was moving a TURTLE out of the middle road to the field next to it!

      Thank God there were no balloons nearby.


Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings Google

Follow Us