Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Guy Loses $20,000 of Drug Dealer's Cash, Asks Cops to Write Excuse Note to Drug Guy! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Guy Loses $20,000 of Drug Dealer's Cash, Asks Cops to Write Excuse Note to Drug Guy!

Best of Dumbass News

John Wayne once said, "Life is hard. It's even harder if you're stupid."

Who am I to argue with The Duke?

Those nine words are some of the most powerful ever spoken, ranking right up there with "I have a dream", "Four score and seven years ago" and "Where's the beef?" That's walkin' in some high oratory cotton right there.

Today's story is the perfect illustration of what Mr. Wayne said.

Trouble in Tucson

Demarco Thomas must have a rough life.

He is stoopid.

Real stoopid.

Thomas was traveling through Tucson recently when he noticed that he'd misplaced some cash.

Twenty thousand dollars worth of cash! Now what on Earth would a guy like Demarco Thomas be doing with 20 Large in cash?

Do the words "alleged drug courier" mean anything to you?

So here's an alleged drug courier who has somehow lost twenty. big. ones. Knowing this, I am able to deduce that not only has Demarco lost 20 Grand, he has lost someone else's 20 Grand.

And who, pray tell, could this someone else be?

You got it!

Big Time Drug Dealer! 

I ain't the smartest Dumbass in the room, but something deep inside me says that losing twenty thousand dollars that belong to a Big Time Drug Dealer is not a good thing. My understanding is that doing such a thing can lead to a sudden stoppage in breathing. 

Seeking Help


Demarco was also concerned about the repercussions of losing all that cash, so he immediately sought help.

From the Police! 

But wait, this story is about to get a lot better. Better even than the Dumbasses whose car was holding $425,000 worth of pot got hijacked !
It DOES Grow on Trees!


Fearing for his life, he called police to ask if an officer could write a note to the local cartel explaining that he lost $20,000 in drug money; he thought it might smooth things over if he could show cartel members a phony receipt from the local police stating they had seized the money, the Arizona Daily Star reported.

I can see it now:

Dear Bloodthirsty Big Time Drug Dealing Cartel Guy, 

Could you please excuse Demarco for losing $20,000 of your ill gotten gains. It was an honest mistake that could have happened to any drug courier. 

We know that this a lot of money, but it is a mere drop in the bucket compared to the millions of dollars you collect while peddling Death-in-a-Small- Baggie to poor schlubs everywhere.

In light of this fact, we politely ask that you not be too harsh on Demarco by cutting off his hands or resorting to some other barbaric punishment for his little boo boo. 

It is our firm belief that a very harshly worded scolding done in a very stern manner would be sufficient in helping Demarco realize that what he did was not very responsible. 

Thank you for your compassion in this matter.

Sincerely,
Tucson Police Department

In other words, Demarco Thomas is in deep doo doo.

He's either a Prison Bitch or a dead man.

I hope the Bloodthirsty Big Time Drug Dealing Cartel Guy opens up his heart to forgiveness regarding Demarco's blunder.

$20,000 says he won't.

Dumbass.

8 comments:

  1. I'm sure that all the times he had someone write him an excuse for skipping school played no small part in that. It worked then, why not now?

    If he survives the cartel I can just picture his defense attorney using that in some fashion... blaming it on his upbringing and/or his school.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, Bones!

      Plus...the lawyer's retainer fee? $20,000.

      Delete
  2. Oy...where do people this stupid come from?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This Dumbass probably really used the dog ate my homework excuse too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll write him an excuse note for that for 5 Grand.

      Delete
  4. He gets an "A" for effort and originality - and an unmarked grave from the Cartel, no doubt.

    ReplyDelete
  5. At least the unmarked grave won't cost the dude 20 grand.

    ReplyDelete

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