Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Love, Dumbass of the Year Awards Style: Most Romantic Dumbass of 2013! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Love, Dumbass of the Year Awards Style: Most Romantic Dumbass of 2013!

Happy New Year, Dumbasses!


Even Dumbasses believe in love.

And romance.

Of course romance to a Dumbass is a rodeo warm Budweiser, a line of blow and a hooker.

When it comes to affairs of the heart, what do you expect from Dumbasses? Romeo and Juliet?

With Dumbasses, it's more like Fatal Attraction.

Therefore, it's only fitting that we continue with the 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards with the prize for the Most Romantic Dumbass of 2013!

Romance Dumbass Style

While the lady that poisoned her love tunnel with the hopes of murdering her husband would have been a prohibitive favorite to win the Most Romantic Dumbass of 2013 Award, somehow, to me at least, using a tainted twat as a device of homicide just screams felony! 

I would not, however, be surprised if the Poisoned Poontang Lady ended up as a nominee for the coveted Dumbass of the Year Award also. Kind of a Dumbass Daily Double.

So here we go with the contenders for the Most Romantic Dumbass of 2013 Award! 

  • Gettin' Some Bush in the Bush - Once upon a time there was a horny African couple who could no longer resist the Call of Carnal Knowledge. Unfortunately there wasn't a conveniently-located Motel 6 (where they leave the light on for you) nearby where this amorous pair could do The Dirty Deed. Making lemonade out lemons, the lovers began to fuck like a two-peckered billy goat on Viagra and a coked-up whore. This was all well and good - until the lion came along.
  • Using Cell Phones During Sex - According to one survey, 20% of you Dumbasses bump uglies and use 4G. (ed. note: only 20% ?)
  • Online Dumbass Dating Leads to Predictable Result - I have nothing against online dating. As a matter of fact I met Mrs. Fearless Leader online, although not through or any other shit like that. (Read about it here in the opening of this story). An Old Horny China Guy went looking for love online. And he found it - with his daughter-in-law!
  • 86 Year Old Man & Two Hookers - An 86 year old widower received The Greatest Radio Contest Prize Ever in the History of Radio Giveaways when he was announced as the winner of a threesome with TWO high-priced Las Vegas hookers! The Old Guy was unable to cash in on his good fortune due to an unforeseen circumstance - he fucking CHOKED TO DEATH the night before the night he probably would have vapor locked from having a menage a three with a couple of Professional Sluts anyway.
The Big Moment

The winner of the 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards Most Romantic Dumbass of 2013 is......

The 86 Year old Guy Who Keeled Over Before He Could Get Double-Hookered to Death!

I can only pray that they know the Heimlich Maneuver in Heaven.




  1. Not quite the way the old guy wanted to go, one suspects. Fortunately for the sleazy grandson, the prize was transferable.

  2. Exactly, stoo.

    Thank GAWD for transferable contest prize. Otherwise this story could have been really sad.

    A free romp with two high-priced hookers is a terrible thing to waste.

  3. Happy New Year! Here’s to a safe and healthy 2014! to all dumbasses everywhere!


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