Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Meth Head Fights Off 15 Cops, While Whacking His Pee Pee! (NSFW!) : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, January 6, 2014

Meth Head Fights Off 15 Cops, While Whacking His Pee Pee! (NSFW!)

Happy New Year, Dumbass Horde!

This is our first new post of 2014!

In case you've been away from the internet or, as I strongly suspect, sleeping in a dumpster behind your local Taco Bell for a few days, you have missed The Dumbass Social Even of the Year - the 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards! 

Go here to catch up on the Best Dumbassery of 2013.

You'll be astounded at the utter stoopididity and blatant disregard for common sense and decency displayed by your Fellow Human Beans.

The meek may inherit the Earth, but Dumbasses will be stuck with New Jersey.

Or Oregon.

NSFW!!!

Just the Facts, Ma'am

  • Dumbass does meth.
  • Dumbass tweeks like the Energizer Bunny on NiCad batteries.
  • For some reason, Dumbass calls locksmith.
  • Locksmith performs locksmithing duties.
  • Dumbass refuses to pay locksmith.
  • Dumbass runs like scalded dawg away from locksmith.
  • Dumbass enters Brook's Market, continuing Tweekathon.
  • Meth Head asked to leave Broo's Market. 
  • Refuses GTFO request by Brook's workers.
  • Brook's Market employee escorts El Tweeko from premises.
  • Dumbass stumbles into Iggy's Bar.
  • This is where the fun begins.
So, now the Dumbass, identified as Andrew Frey, is in Iggy's where he goes into Full Tilt Boogie Tweek Spaz Out. 

He is asked to leave.

Andrew doesn't leave Iggy's, but he does the Next Best Thing - he yanks out his weenie and starts

pounding on that thing like a Rocky Balboa one-two on a side of beef.

It is at this point that the Police are notified.

A cop quickly arrives at the scene of the Hand-to-Dick Assault and a confrontation between the Deputy and the Tweeked Up Pud Pounder occurs. Told to "Drop the penis and back away slowly...", Andrew replies, "I'm not finished yet." 

Long story short...Andrew gets tased. It has no effect on him....or his ding-a-ling.

The Deputy called for backup.

Then Backup called for backup!

Then the backup for the backup called for more backup!

Fifteen cops in all!

Andrew goes to jail.

A few hours after his arrest, Handy Andy said that he was so methed up that he didn't remember anything about that day.

No problem, Andy! You can always refer back to Dumbass News and print this page and save it for posterity! I'm sure that the Future Generations of Meth Freaks that will most certainly form the branches of your family tree will recoil with hardy guffaws at this little bit of Frey Family History.

It is at this precise moment that, as the Patriarch of the Pud Pounders, informed by the Wisdom of the Years, you will look your progeny directly in the eyes and with a straight face and say, "Never call a locksmith when you are on crank...and never crank your crank while your on crank...unless you can "finish" before the Cops get there."

Dumbass.

***Image from OpposingViews.com***
***Hat Tip to Mrs. Fearless Leader***

10 comments:

  1. Debbi DeChellis (Oregon Dumbass Society)January 6, 2014 at 12:12 PM

    Just W T F ? Is wrong with Oreegone ?? But either way ..... W T F is this guys problem? Crank these days must be pretty awesome to make people do some crazy shit like this! Back in the day when I tried Crank .....only once ...... I watched Seasame Street for hours and actually thought I had a coversation with The Count (Dracula) .... 1 .... 2 ....... 3 ! But I never touched my WEE WEE! I must be missing out ..... on CRANK MY WEE WEE!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Debbie...I am sad to report that OreGawn is overtaking Floriduh as the Number 2 Dumbass State in the country. But at least y'all ain't Cal-ee-forn-ya!

      Delete
  2. Debbi DeChellis Oregon DumbAss SocietyJanuary 6, 2014 at 3:45 PM

    *hangs head in utter shame*
    The shitty part is ... I was born and raised in Santa Clara Caleefornication and moved to Oreegone 24 yrs ago! Friggen Figures!! LOL ! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many Cal-ee-forn-yans (the Big Gubmint Taint Stain ones) are plenty stoopid and it takes them a while to realize that they can fuck up a new place like OreGawn and make it just like Cal-forn-ya! Then they move to Colorado and do the same shit!

      Rinse, repeat.

      Delete
  3. He beat offi (you;ll pardon the expression, I'm sure) 15 cops one handed. I'm bettin' that's serious braggin' rights in stir.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You got that right, stoo! This guy's gonna be a big hit on Cell Block D!

      Delete
  4. Now that pot is legal in Colorado maybe they can ship all the meth heads there too. Or to Jersey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jersey!!! bwahahahahahahahaha!

      Now *that's* funny, Phil!

      Delete
  5. Heeeeey, I know that dood... that's Ivan Wackinov from Minniesoda!

    ReplyDelete

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