I hope the surgeon got a good night's sleep.
And a blow job.
Best of Dumbass News
Since I started writing this blog in September, 2010, I have made fun of every class, race, creed, skin color and/or national origin, especially those pansies the Fwench. You'd have to go all the way back to yesterday to see my latest demolition of those surrender-happy Frogs. If you, too, like to lob a few verbal grenades at the Fwench, just go to the "search" button in the left sidebar and type in "Fwench". A veritable novel on "pussified" will be at your finger tips.
Enough about those Dumbasses.
Anyway, my somewhat verbose point here is that although I have ripped all the people I listed above, I have never done so because of race, color, national origin (except the Fwench), etc. I have stood fast to my word that I'll make fun of anybody, any time. My three exclusions from that are the Pope, my Mom, not yours, and Billy Graham.
End. Of. Story.
He Serves His Country, She Serves a Bruthah
Here's the scene: A guy is in a branch of the United States Military serving in Iraq. (Thanks for your service!) He is a white guy. He was overseas for a year when he was sent back state side. He came home a hero.
And a Dumbass.
Stay with me here, that ain't a shot at military guys. You'll see what I mean in a moment.
And a black baby.
Let's do a quick review here.
- White Soldier goes overseas leaving a wife behind.
- Soldier is gone for TWELVE months.
- Fast forward a year. Soldier comes home to his white wife.
- And a black baby. A less than year old black baby.
The Dumbass Part
The slut white chick says she got pregnant from, dig this shit, watching a 3D porn flick! I swear on my late Father's grave that I am not making this up.
I have some.
Q & A
You Dumbasses know me. I am rather inquisitive. Before I continue, I'll concede a few things:
- Against astronomical odds, this kind of stuff happens. Click here to read some weird shit.
- Jennifer Stewart is a cheating piece of possum poop.
- The baby in this story is a cutie pie.
The preceding paragraph is filled with pesky little things called facts, many admitted to by the Mom. Their veracity is unquestionable. "Lifelike", even.
The Crazy Part
Mom claims she was impregnated by the black guy star of a 3D porn movie she had seen. She says that the baby resembles Bruthah Big Johnson. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but, lady, your kid has such a generic baby's face that he even looks like me!
And I ain't the daddy.
Even more bizarre is the fact that her husband believes her!!!
"3D movies are very lifelike", he says. No, Sir, war is very "lifelike". I think one of the goat-fuckers you were try to send to his 72 virgins put some tainted camel piss in your MREs. While I shall be eternally grateful for your service to our country, White Guy, you are an utter moron, idiot, dumbfuck, dipshit, Dumbass. White Guy, I hate to tell you this, but your Old Lady did the Horizontal Hula with a Black Guy and it ain't from a "likelike" 3D movie or the amazing technology we enjoy today. She broke her vows to you with a good old fashion "lifelike" black weenie attached to a "lifelike" Black Guy.
End. Of. Story.
Now the whore is gonna sue the film company that produce the 3D "lifelike" digital sperm?
It is my considered opinion that these two people be admitted to a "lifelike" Looney Fucking Tunes Funny Farm. I suffer from several "mental illnesses", therefore I feel my opinion should carry at least a little weight. However, it doesn't take a Mental Midget like me to determine that this couple is a pair of "lifelike"...