Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Avoid These Like the Plague: Dumbass Valentines Day Gifts! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Avoid These Like the Plague: Dumbass Valentines Day Gifts!

Tomorrow is Valentines Day.

A Day of Love.

A Day of Expressing How Much You Care for That Certain Someone.

A day of giving some hot chick something nice and getting laid like a boss.

A day of getting Valentines Day candy at 75% off after 3:00 PM at the local Rite Aid.

But you do not want to wait for the deeply discounted chocolate in order to impress your sweetie pie.

That would be what is known in the vernacular as "stoopid as fuck".

Today I shall, as a Dumbass News Public Service In the Interest of Getting You Boinked, exhibit to you a few Valentines Day gifts that you should avoid like a Motor City Hooker.

Dumbass Valentines Day Gifts

Don't drink the liquid because there won't be much room when she shoves the pearl down your gullet.

This diamond is not a girl's best friend. It is a Divorce lawyer's best friend.

This book represents 1 Way to Lose 170 lbs of ugly fat - YOU!

Somebody really loves bachelorhood and being a virgin also.

Made of 100% Tube Steak

Clapper Bra - Clap Off  (Just like the Clapper Lights) Applause!

Manual Viagra

Happy Valentines Day.


Hat Tip : Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva & HuffPo***


  1. Oh dear lord.
    Wait, the oyster one could be kind of fun as a gag gift... as long as there was a follow-up gift an a pearl necklace or earrings or something.
    But, the rest... hells no.

    1. Just think...there are many Dumbasses out there that will buy this shit!

    2. A trouser expander? Geezus H . . .

    3. It's for the Occupy Wall Street crowd, since they have no dicks.

  2. hahahahahhahahahaha....YES!!! Those are BAD gift ideas. WHAT THE HELL with the beefy underwear. All I keep thinking is the dude is going to be down there a while trying to chew those things off!!! That's some tough looking meat!!! Listen...I'm a girl that likes getting a gift! And I can tell you right now....if I received one of these gifts, that wiener expander wouldn't just end up on the wiener....but probably up his ass too!!! So would that book, I would literally shove that book up his ass, then go and buy myself some chocolate!!!

    1. Point by Point Replies...

      1. The meat drawers add a new meaning to "beef jerky".
      2. The Expander? I am a Texan. 'Nuff said.
      3. The Book - As a gift, it should be titled "1 Way to Commit Suicide"

  3. You know there are some Dumbasses out there that buy stuff like this, or even worse!

  4. Lena : "Ohhh Ole, is dat fer me?"


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