Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Foil a DUI Breathalyzer By Sucking Second Hand Ass! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, February 17, 2014

Foil a DUI Breathalyzer By Sucking Second Hand Ass!

People do some stoopid shit when they get drunk.

Perhaps the stoopidest of these things is of course getting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle.

Or a bull dozer. 

Or pissing on the breathalyzer. 

Having sex while driving drunk is also a very bad idea.

If you're three sheets to the wind and driving a car (or bull dozer), seeing the flashing lights on the top of a cop car certainly won't make you any less drunk, but they will make you find Jesus real quick.

During the brief few moments just after being lit up (no pun intended) by the Fuzz and actually pulling over to the side of the road to be unceremoniously (and deservedly) hauled off to the County Big House, a drunk driver will by instinct reach for something mask the smell of alcohol on his breath - gum, mints, underwear.....WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Now, to a Former Professional Drinker such as myself, I can assure you that gum or mints do not mask the odor of likker on one's breath.

Especially if one has over indulged.

Other than the obvious public safety concerns, this incident raises some other pressing issues.

  • Could Mr. Zurfluh not have taken an alternative method of transportation to safely make it home without endangering other Canada-ites roaming the streets of Stettler innocently smoking some fine Canuckistani Cabbage (pot)?
  • A moose-drawn carriage perhaps?
  • Couldn't he have sheltered overnight in a Canada-ite Roadside Drunk Tank?
  • Also known as an "igloo". 
  • I bet Messieur Zurfluh has participated in a robust round of Curling while blasted out of his mind also.
  • Is the word"Zurfluh" Canada-ite Language for "underwear eater" ?
  • Does sucking down Second Hand Ass distort a Blood Acohol Content reading by a Breathalyzer?
  • If it does, Second Hand Ass should be bottled and sold at all Canada-ite Likker Retailers throughout the 10 Provinces and 3 Territories of the Great White North.
  • Unless the term Second Hand Ass has been copyrighted by Canada-ite Hookers.
  • Marketing Idea: Why Let Your Breath Smell Like Likker When It Can Reek of Second Hand Ass!
  • Eh?

***Hat Tip stoo, Dumbass Emeritus***


  1. LOL . . . if the guy in that picture is 18 years old, I'll eat MY shorts.

    As for the Royal Canuckistani Mounted Police . . . I think those hosers need to go back for some refresher training in proper handcuffing technique. That is, if they even had him handcuffed in the first place.

    1. I knew somebody would notice that!

      Hell, if that dude is 18, I'LL eat your shorts!

  2. Imagine having to live in that town after you were that stoopide

  3. He's now known as "Second Hand Ass Man"!

  4. It's the Second Hand DUMB-ASS Man!


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