His Royal Dumbass, invited me to do a guest post on this
here weird looking blog. I figured I didn't want to let him down. I couldn't
help but think that he really is a Dumbass, if he’s inviting me to do a guest
post. He hardly knows me or what he’s getting into. That just may be the
epitome of Dumbassness.
I guess I should introduce myself I'm Zoe and I'm a blogger.
*Everyone says, “Hello Zoe.”* My blog is not a funny one but I sure do love to
laugh and banter, it’s good for the soul. What better way to laugh than at
one’s own dumbass moments right?!
First I want to thank you Oh Great Dumbass for opening up
this space to me. It looks a little different back here than what I'm used to.
Did I follow the directions properly? Am I in the right place?! On a side note, it could use a little
cleaning. Have you cleaned lately? I'm
just sayin…
Okay enough stalling.
I’m ready to grace you all with some of my dumbass moments.
Sit back, buckle up and hang on for the ride.
What was I blogging about? ;-)
Dumbass moment number
1:
I have no sense of direction what so ever. I could have
driven to the same place numerous times and I will still get lost. Hell, if I
don’t park my car in the same area every time, I would never find it. Where’s
my garage?
Dumbass moment number 2:
Picture this, I'm 17 years old, (many years ago) sitting
in the car with a big, mean, cud chewing drivers trainer sitting next to me. I'm preparing for my test to get my license. I'm scared out of my mind. (I'm not kidding when I said she was mean). The test begins. I adjust my mirrors and
turn on the car. Can you see what I missed already?
If not, maybe you need to take a test again.
I forgot to put on my seatbelt.
Isn't that like driving 101?? It gets worse. In her cud chewing sort of
way, she reminds me of the missing seatbelt, and I put it on. Now we’re ready
to drive. (This gets better or worse). I
drive out of the parking lot and proceed to drive over a curb. Damn! By this time I don’t even know why I
continued the test, but in my dumbassness I did.
After recovering from the curb incident, we were finally
on actual roads…uh oh…Now I'm really scared, and following every direction this
“lady” is giving me, which leads to the next shall we say, dumbass incident.
She tells me at the next road to turn right. I, in my
obedient 17 year old naive brain,I comply. Isn't that what you’re supposed to
do?? Not in this case. I did though. I
turned right and proceeded to drive down a one way street the wrong way. How was I supposed to know there were trick
commands?! Well by this time, it was over. I just wanted to get out of that car
and climb under a rock.
This leads me to...
Dumbass moment number 3:
I mentioned above that I lack direction. At night it’s
even worse. A couple of years ago, I was driving home from a friend’s house at
night, the same route I've always taken. (Or so I thought) I got disoriented on my way, or lost.
(Call it what you may.)
Once again, I turned the wrong way down a one way street
right into a cop. (I didn't hit him.) His lights immediately went on and I
pulled over, but facing the wrong way on the wrong side. Doh! I
was tres scared.
Thankfully the cop was very kind. I explained my
predicament, trying not to let on how long I’d lived there. He saw that I was
telling the truth. He did not give me a ticket. Bless his heart, I deserved one.
He blocked traffic for me, so I could turn around safely,
and he gave me directions to get me home. (5 mins. Away). He then had another
cop follow me, to make sure I went the right way, and I'm sure to be certain
that I really was sober.
Dumbass moment number
4:
I’ll give you a moment to stop laughing at me before I
embarrass myself further………………Are you done? Have you pulled yourself
together??
Okay. You over there, get a grip!
Since this is getting long, I will keep this moment
short. (Maybe)
Hubby was teaching me to ride a dirt bike. I started to get the hang of
it. I’d done a lot of short practice runs this day, so I began to feel somewhat
confident that I could handle a longer one, and off I went.
Well, I was driving on my merry way feeling all proud of
myself and having fun, when it came time to make a turn. Suddenly things got
complicated. I shifted down to first gear. (Yes I said first gear) and tried to
make my turn. Umm….I did not make the turn.
I don’t know exactly what happened, but the next thing I
know, I'm on the ground, under the dirt bike, in shock, yelling for help, not
able to move.
When said Hubby and friends finally heard my frantic cries, they
looked over, took a min. to process the scene from afar, and then proceeded to
run to my rescue. (I'm sure whilst they were trying not to laugh.)
I had managed to dislocate my foot. I was left unable to
walk for months and eventually put in a cast. It may go without saying that I
have not gotten back on the horse….err…umm…bike since. Hubby plans to get me
back on it this summer. Wish me luck, or there may be another dumbass story
coming. I hope not!
Do you have a dumbass story? Don’t leave me all alone here!
There is hope.
Yours Truly,
Zoe