Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: 30 Things You'll Never Hear a Southern Dumbass Say! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, March 16, 2014

30 Things You'll Never Hear a Southern Dumbass Say!

Best of Dumbass News

THE TOP 30 THINGS THAT YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN DUMBASS SAY:

3
0. When I retire, I'm movin' north.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.          


28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and lettuce instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who cares who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many mounted deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate.

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey! Here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN DUMBASS SAY:

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole bus load of us down to WATCH THE BALLET PERFORM TODAY!!!

***Thanks to Uncle Robert***

4 comments:

  1. LOL! So true on each. Can I add in one more?

    "I'm so sick of watching Nascar every weekend"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is why the Sooper Sekrit Motto of the South is "Go left, Young Man, go left".

      Delete

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