Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Chinese Dumbass to Airport Security: "I Have a Bomb Up My Ass!" : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Chinese Dumbass to Airport Security: "I Have a Bomb Up My Ass!"

There are tons of good ways to get arrested.

We have covered some real doozies here at Dumbass News. 

One of the more stoopid things that lands a Dumbass in the Big House is bank robbery. The FBI, not to mention the targeted financial institution itself, tends to take a dim view of some idjit trying to make an unauthorized withdrawal through a felonious act. Besides that, banks have these really cool gizmos that observe the goings on of every damn square inch within its walls twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. They are called "surveillance cameras."  

Robbing a gun store with a baseball bat ranks right up there on the I Am About As Smart As a Yak Turd Scale as well.

While these are very serious crimes and warrant very serious consequences, short of killing another human bean, these offenses are not nearly as serious as say, oh I don't know, threatening to blow up an airport!
                      
No Bomb Up Here!

In. China! 

This kind of thing ain't exactly a barrel of laughs in an American airport, therefore I think it is safe to assume that in the Red Commie Pinko Peoples Republic of China such shenanigans would, shall we say, be frowned upon with great disdain. No, we shall not say "be frowned upon with great disdain", we shall say "get you turned into kitty litter", or as your Average Chinese Communist would call it, "supper".

Anyway, long story short....some Sino Stoopid Shit was at an airport in Beijing.

His flight to the Pinko Hooker Capitol of Communist China had been delayed for quite some time and he became impatient.

He really needed someone to talk to about his frustrations, so he located a Chinese Airport Security Person to whom he would air his grievances over the long flight delay.

The conversation went something like this:

Frustrated Commie Traveler: "I say, my good man. what seems to be the issue causing this most inconvenient delay in the flight to the Pinko Hooker Capitol of Communist China?"

Chinese Airport Security Person: "Why thank you for your sincere inquiry into this Most Urgent Communist Chinese Travel Matter, Comrade. I am sad to inform you that I don't fucking know."

Frustrated Commie Traveler: "In that event, I am compelled by Red Commie Pinko Peoples Republic of China Law to inform you that my anxiety level has reached Biblical proportions. That is, my anxiety would be of Biblical proportions if we believed in the Bible"

Chinese Airport Security Person: "Pray tell, amigo. How much disquiet are you experiencing at this moment?"

Frustrated Commie Traveler: "I have inserted into my anal cavity a very powerful explosive device."

Chinese Airport Security Person: "Come again?"

Frustrated Commie Traveler: " I have a motherfucking bomb up my ass, you cock gobbler!"

Chinese Airport Security Person: "I frown upon this behavior with great disdain."

Turns out that the flight delay to the Pinko Hooker Capitol of Communist China was because of a slow moving line at the security gate, which the Frustrated Commie Traveler deemed a waste of time.

So, after much bitchin' and moanin', an airport-wide Official Communist Chinese Airport Security Alert & Evacuation was issued and the Frustrated Commie Traveler was taken into Communist Chinese Police Custody where, among other things, his ass was searched for explosives! 

After an "exhaustive search" (IYKWIMAITYD) of the FCT's asshole, it was determined that no explosives were up there.

No word on whether there is "supper" in the dude's future.

Dumbass.

10 comments:

  1. It's too early in the day to be this funny!
    Also, I'm going to steal this line: "I am sad to inform you that I don't fucking know." If that's alright with you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, dj!

      I am happy to inform you that you may fucking use it at will!

      Delete
  2. Where do you find these stories? Wholly crazy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in awhile.

      Delete
  3. If ever I get stopped by police in New Mexico, I think I'll use that, "I have a bomb up my ass," line. Onnacounta the police in New Mexico will really be in a quandry about whether or not they want to examine me like, 8 times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Police in the Land of Entrapment are very "thorough" in the body cavity search phase of their job.

      Delete
  4. Now that is a body cavity search in which the only explosive device is from the gas he had from lunch!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep. Some of that China Guy Food is almost nuclear.

      Delete

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