Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Romance: Sex In Tool Shed at Home Depot! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Dumbass Romance: Sex In Tool Shed at Home Depot!

Sex sells.

On TV. In movies. In music.

On Dumbass News.

But for sex, like anything in in life, there is a time and a place for everything.

For example, your local Home Depot (More Saving. More Doing.) is a great place to buy a drill. It is, however, a piss poor place to get drilled.

Let me splain.

Tool Shed

Emily and Shaun are like millions of young couples across The Fruited Plain. They are young, of course. They are in love. And they are horny.

They are also stoopid.

Emily and Shaun recently made a trip to a Home Depot store in North Charleston, South Carolina.

Upon arrival they noticed a very nice tool shed on display in front of the store so they decided to take a look at it. They went inside. They closed the door behind them. They did not come out.
Emily & Shaun - Tool Shed Sex Havers

An Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee noticed the couple inspecting the tool shed and thought, "Damn straight! My commission on this shit will be astronomical!" Actually, the Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee did not use the word "astronomical" in his Official Home Depot Cartoon Thought Bubble. His exact word usage was "buttload". This is, after all, South Carolina we're talking about here. There are only two people in the whole state who can spell and/or pronounce the word "astronomical" - @ToddKincannon and his Golden Retriever, Noodle ( @TheNoodleK ). 

But, I digress.

Anyway....after several minutes the Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee noticed that Emily and Shaun had not yet exited the tool shed. So he did what any Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee would do at this point. He became suspicious.

And he called the Cops.

Laying Pipe

An inspection of the outdoor sheds turned up Craig and Bowden. Craig, cops noted, was “partially clothed; the top of her dress was untied, hanging at her waist.” Bowden was shirtless and “had his pants down near his knees; his penis was exposed.”, according to The Smoking Gun.

Say what you will about South Carolina in particular, or The South in general, but having a Rousing Session of Mad Monkey Sex in a storage shed on display in front of the Home Depot is not acceptable in Polite Society.

Getting a "hummer" in the storage shed on display in front of the Home Depot is OK, however.

In The South, we save Rousing Sessions of Mad Monkey Sex for the Plumbing Department of Lowe's. This is why it's called "Laying Pipe".

Any good Southerner worth his weight in salt knows that.



  1. I guess when the mood strikes you...

    1. It would be much more fun if there were no Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employees.

  2. Should have went to a Bed Bath and Beyond. At least they could have laid pipe in comfort.

    1. There's a good "lotion" joke in there somewhere.

  3. There is something about a trip to Home Depot that gets my motor running... all those tools... all that wood... let the sexy times commence.


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