Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Hypnotize Dumbasses & Get Filthy Rich! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Hypnotize Dumbasses & Get Filthy Rich!

Best of Dumbass News

Boston.

Beantown.

At Least We Ain't New Yawk!

But We Wish We Had That Many World Series Championships.

Whatever you want to call it, Boston is a city that is as full of American history and tradition as any city in the country. Paul Revere, the Red Sawx, the Boston Tea Party and really exceptional Dumbasses - all part of Boston, baby.

For Example...

Chicanery in Chinatown

A 57 year old woman was in Boston's Chinatown doing a little grocery shopping when she was approached by three women. The women began asking the lady questions and after several minutes, one of the trio handed the shopper a plastic bag. They then instructed her to go home, fill the bag with a shit load of loot and meet them later at Boston Commons.

She did.

The lady filled the bag with a valuable necklace, a jade bracelet, her passport and $160,000 in cash! The Nice Lady then proceeded to the Commons where she willfully handed over her life savings to the three con women. The Nice Lady is a Dumbass.

I feel the need to jump in here and make a point or two.

Point 1) I may be in the minority, but if three strange Asian women were to instruct me to go home and cram a couple of hundred large worth of cash and jewelry into a Wal Mart bag, I'd have a tendency to become a bit suspicious. That's just how I roll.

Point 2) IF I ever reach a point in my life where my mental condition deteriorates to the point that I would even consider doing something so blatantly STOOPID, I hereby authorize anyone reading this post to promptly and mercifully put a .45 hollowpoint into my skull. I thank you in advance.

Keep Your Eyes on the Shiny Object

This same kind of crime has happened twice since the one above and all of the sudden the (I am not making the name of this organization up) Chinese Progressive Association (Commies?) has alerted its members "to remain vigilant when approached by strangers". That's odd, I tell my 5 year old daughter the same thing. The difference is that she seems to get it.

The Dumbass that heads up the Commies, I mean Chinese Progressive Association, says that he believes the victim was hypnotized by the three scammers. He backs this up with the solid evidence that his mother told him of thieves using hypnosis on their victims in his native Hong Kong. (No relation to King Kong or Donkey Kong)

That settles that! I gotta find me a How-to book on this Hypnotizing Dumbasses into Willingly Handing Over to Me Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars in Cash and Jewelry stuff.

Then, I am moving to Boston.

Chinatown specifically.

Supply and demand, baby.

Beantown supplies the Dumbasses and the Dumbasses supply me - with millions of dollars!

Put. Me. In. Coach!

Other Ethnic Groups

I see a potential trend here. If this kind of shit can be pulled on Asians, why not open up a market for Meskins, Eye-talians or Micks? Boston is a multi-cultural city after all. And I do not discriminate against any group. I don't care if you are the Mayor of Boston, if a person is a Dumbass (and from what I hear, the current mayor of Boston, Thomas "Mumbles" Menino is a Dumbass {and a Commie}) the person is a target, baby.

And I aim to please.

America! What a country!

蠢驴.

6 comments:

  1. Gonna have to leave the Eye-talians alone - they had their day as a target already, in 1919:

    http://www.damninteresting.com/the-great-molasses-flood-of-1919/

    21 people killed, 150 injured - onnacounta they were in fact slower than molasses in January.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I must admit, should I ever place large sums of money and jewelery in a bag and hand it over, I DO hope that I've been hypnotized. Or that one my family that I actually like is being held hostage. Or someone has a finger on a weapon of mass destruction (that does not exist only in George W's and Dick Cheney's head). Because otherwise, well, I wouldn't want to live with myself for being so stoopit. Nor would I want to have to explain to my husband why he can never retire.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can see where the splainin' to the husband could possibly lead to mass destruction.

      Delete
  3. You also forgot to mention that Bahston is Dumbass Capital of the USA. That's ok - we New Yorkers get a nice chuckle out of Beantown.

    Could be worse. New Jersey. Nuff said.

    ReplyDelete

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