Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: London Fire Brigade - Saving Penises From Toasters Since 1865! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Saturday, March 8, 2014

London Fire Brigade - Saving Penises From Toasters Since 1865!

Best of Dumbass News

Toasters.

One of the simplest, most enduring inventions of the Industrial Revolution.

And a staple of opening new bank accounts since the 1940s.

I like toasters.

Think: toasted bread, Pop Tarts and penises.

Whaaaaa.....??????

Merry Old England

England has been around as a sovereign nation for something like eleventy!!!111!1!1!! bazillion years.

Old Blighty has also been a Kingdom since Ye Olde Times.

As a matter of fact, the first monarch of England was a Cave Guy named Grok.

It has given to the World Shakespeare, Sir Isaac Newton, Jack the Ripper, a school course on UFO-Greetingfishermen catching SCUBA divers by the scrotumand now, Toaster Fucking.

The London Fire Brigade is asking the public to use some "common sense" after firefighters assisted a man whose penis was stuck in a toaster. (UPI) 

That's gonna leave a mark.

The story continues that over the last three years, London Fire Fighters have been summoned to calls involving "an adult stuck in a child's toy car and 79 people who were unable to free themselves from handcuffs donned for amorous purposes, nine men with rings stuck on their privates, four people with their hands stuck in blenders and five people with their hands stuck in paper shredders. The Mirror Reported Monday." 
LFB - Saving Penises From Toasters Since 1865


Observations 

  • When does the London Fire Brigade ever have time to, you know, actually fight fires?
  • With all the British Dumbasses with their hands caught in blenders and paper shredders, is it any wonder so many of the English population are left-handed?
  • Seventy-nine people stuck in handcuffs?
  • As long as "amorous purposes" doesn't involve farm animals, it's OK.
  • Rings on their privates?
  • I guess that's not as weird as a salad fork up your weenie.  
  • Jolly good show.
Dumbasses.

***Hat Tip to Dumbass Emeritus, stoo (who has never stuck his penis in a toaster)***

8 comments:

  1. If I made a list of places not to put my penis, a toaster would be pretty high on the list.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On my list pf "Places Not to Put Your Dick", "toaster" would come right after "wall socket".

      Delete
  2. Or anywhere near a hot pizza.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This one just makes my stuff hurt, brother. And think about Cher Lloyd.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is this what they call a "tostado", Eli?

      Delete
  4. Other than a warm woman's body my penis does not go into anything hot enough to burn it off!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure I can speak for at least 92% of the Male Dumbass Population when I say "we agree". The other 8% of the Male Dumbass Population are just plain fucking weird.

      Delete

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