Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: One Napkin Equals $1.5 Million Lawsuit Against McDonalds! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, March 31, 2014

One Napkin Equals $1.5 Million Lawsuit Against McDonalds!

I never thought I'd ever write the following words:

McDonalds is a pox on American Society.

Man, that hurt. 

I have been eating at The Golden Arches for over fifty years! (And, boy am I full! Hahahaha!) That was so long ago that the McDonalds sign said "Over 13 Served".


Mark down this day as The Day I Say Adios to Mickey D's. 

Bonsoir, Big Mac. Que sera sera Quarter Pounder. Ciao Chicken McNuggets. Farewell, Filet O' Fish (Now 2 for $3.33!)

I'm done with all you Rat McBastids! (2 for $5!)

Partial List of Reasons Why

  • Because you are stingy motherfuckers with your hot fudge, you have turned Ordinary Dumbasses into Raving Lunatics. And felons.
  • When the McRib-addicted Yutes of America become so preoccupied with your processed pork product that they turn to vehicular assault when refused a portion of porcine perfection, you have gone too far.
  • Even Plain Old Sluts who work for you are forced into selling their McCooter  to patrons of the Drive Thru because of your blatant disregard for their well-being with your refusal to pay them fifteen bucks an hour to ask the customer "Would you like a blow job and large fries with that McMuffin, Cowboy?"
And Now THIS?

McDonalds' horrid treatment of a Dumbass in Cal-ee-forn-ya was the Final Straw in a series of straws that were straining the camel's back.

Here's the deal:

  1. Dumbass goes to The Arches and orders a meal. 
  2. His order was properly filled.
  3. With one exception.
  4. The McDonalds employee serving the Dumbass put only ONE napkin in the bag with the food!
  5. Dumbass emailed the Manager of this McD's location to whine about getting only one napkin.
  6. The Manager responded to the complaint by presenting the Dumbass with some coupons for FREE McKnobJobs food at the restaurant.
  7. The Dumbass felt slighted by this paltry proposition.
  8. So slighted that he is now unable to work!
  9. Why, you ask?
  10. Because of undue mental anguish!
  11. The Guy experienced so much undue mental anguish(!) over getting only one napkin that he is now suing the McDonalds for One. Point. Five. MILLION. Dollars!
  12. That must have been one messy ass burger!
  13. My cure for undue mental anguish of this nature involves an overdue aluminum baseball bat to the skull.

***Hat Tip: Heather the Dumbass Wife and You Tube Star ***


  1. I wanna be next in line to bash in his skull.

  2. Where's the bat let me at im! Oh and my beef (get it?) with McD's is I get burgers and and ask for no cheese or onion but I want extra pickles. I found out recently that they take off the cheese and onion and charge me extra for the extra pickles...What the hell?!

  3. Anotyher reason why I don't eat at McDumbass!

  4. Can't the legal system have this guy euthanized for the good for society?

    1. That's what aluminum baseball bats are for, Hook.

  5. I this guy wins his case, I'm gonna have to start looking at moving to another country.

    (The Rat McBastid would be much better if they had better sauces to go with it.)

    1. Rat's Asshole McFondue? (George Carlin Joke there)

  6. Reading this has caused me mental anguish, prepare to hear from my lawyer.

    1. I hear that. I'm thinking about suing myself for writing it!

  7. If I'm ever called to jury duty again this is my get out of service free card. How can I have any faith in a system that allows this kind of lunacy go on... even if he doesn't win, the fact that a lawyer would take the case and run with it is enough to prove that our system is flawed beyond repair.

    1. Maybe in cases like this, the plaintiff AND the lawyer pay the "damages wanted" if THEY lose.

  8. I'm not sure what's funnier, but I think it was the part where 13 were served. 13 million, I think, is what it used to say. Yep, I remember, too. ;)

    1. Great to see yo, Lorraine!

      If you Dumbasses need blogging/tech help or plan on writing a book/ebook, Lorraine here is my go-to person. She's an editor, writer, blogger and much more!

      Click on her name and check out her blog and/or contact her through it.

      She has proudly (well, maybe not proudly, but still....) earned the Dumbass News Seal of Approval.

    2. Thanks. It is good to see you, too. :)


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