Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Stop Gang Activity in Your City! Give Criminals GEDs! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Stop Gang Activity in Your City! Give Criminals GEDs!

Today we will take a look at the American system of jurisprudence.

Our justice system, while occasionally flawed, is the best system in the History of Mankind. 

In our justice system a man is innocent until proven guilty by a jury of his peers. If he is found not guilty, he's a free man, facing no further prosecution from the government.

In Cleveland, Ohio they do things a little differently when a man is found not guilty.

They give the defendant  their jury duty pay! 

Is this a great country or what?

But there is a catch to this "gift" to the not guilty guy, because he seems like a nice young man, despite being charged for participating in gang-related activities.

The catch?

Our juvenile delinquent has to get a GED ASAP.

This is a fine idea.

Except it is a fucking stoopid idea.

Why is it stoopid?

What makes these Dumbass Jurors think that if this kid, who's 19 by the way, gets a GED that he'll have an epiphany and leave the gang life behind?

With a GED this young hoodlum can go around Cleveland and shout to all whom will listen, "I got a GED! Now I can be a high school drop out with a GED and still do gang stuff to the citizens of Cleveland!" He may even start a trend amongst gangstas all over the country.

The gangs will replace those stoopid looking red and blue bandanas hanging out the back pocket of their Saggy Ass Jeans with GED Certificates! And they'll owe all this pride in their new found GED to the jurors who were too damned stoopid to see guilt when it was staring right them in the eyes.

The new motto for the Bloods, Crips, Aryan Nation or any other Social Club for Felons, Bigots and All Around Taint Stains On the Underwear of Life can be: "We may be drug dealing, prostitute pimpin', extortionists and cold blooded killers, but we all have GEDs!!!"

Now these Swamp Donkey Ass-suckers can make change for a hundred on their next crack cocaine deal.

I say we should lock the bastards up and give them a sentence in line with their crime, put them on a chain gang and work the vermin til they fucking drop every day from exhaustion for the duration of their sentences.

Then, when they are released back into Polite Society they can scream to High Heaven, "We are felons with GEDs!" 

This is of course just before they get busted for stealing a car, selling a couple of kilos of nose candy or any number of various and sundry other criminal acts, and once again given Long Term Resident status at The Big House.

GED, my hind leg.

No wonder Cleveland is called The Mistake On the Lake.



  1. But Fearless Leader, if we give them an education perhaps they will see they have more prosperous opportunities in polite society.
    For instance. Rather than stealing a car, perhaps they could open a dealership and rip people off that way instead? Or, rather than selling drugs on a corner, they will have the knowledge to make the drugs themselves and can reap higher profits. See? It's genius!

    1. Why did I let my skepticism cloud my judgement?

      All this time I thought that if offered some bullshit to keep his ass out of the slammer, a Gang Banger would fulfill his commitments and miraculously go on the straight and narrow, learning from his experience as a punk and pursue a life of virtue, hard work and opportunity?

      dj, you have set me straight!

  2. I can see these puir, misguided souls jumping at the chance at jury duty pay - what is it now, $8.00 per day?

    What Dumbass would pass that up?

  3. Shit, man, $8 will buy a pack of Newports and a 40!


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