Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: The Old Smuggle the Pistol Into Jail Up Your Ass Trick! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Old Smuggle the Pistol Into Jail Up Your Ass Trick!

At Dumbass News we like to say that writing about Dumbass Criminals is like a flat change up right in our wheel house. <---A little Baseball lingo there.

OK, we really don't say that,I just made it up.

But I really like baseball and since Spring Training is in full swing (<---a little baseball pun there) I wanted to throw a metaphorical chin music at ya.

High and tight, baby!

That's how we roll here.

The Heat Is On

I have always been of the Considered Fearless Leader Opinion that when one is doing something illegal, one should not perform his illegality of choice in the presence of those who might, you know, throw his lousy ass in jail!

Oddly enough there are Dumbasses out there who are too fucking stoopid to grasp this simple concept.

For example, David Caruso the Drunk Driving Dumbass Not the Actor Guy was minding his own bidness quietly doing a little drunk driving one night when he happened upon a sobriety checkpoint.

So what does David Caruso the Drunk Driving Dumbass Not the Actor Guy do while he is in the line of traffic at the DUI roadblock?

He opens a can of beer!

In the Drunk Driving Bidness this is known as "I am going to jail anyway so I might as well go full tilt boogie". 

In the Real World, this act of defiance is referred to as "extremely fucking stoopid with the possibility of being a felony". 

A guy in Texas walked into a building with the express intent of committing armed robbery upon the occupants therein.

Problem was the building in question was a Police Station! 

When confronted by several well-armed Police Officers, the Bad Guy said (I am not making this up) that he was just kidding!

Now, while these are two fine examples of Doing Extraordinarily Stoopid Shit In the General Vicinity of Law Enforcement Personnel, Michael Leon Ward has taken this sort of behavior to a new level.
Michael Leon Ward, Pistolero

Ass Level, to be exact.

Fudge Packin' Heat

  • Michael Leon Ward was recently busted for speeding in North Carolina.
  • During this routine traffic stop, Michael Leon Ward became unruly with the cop who had stopped him.
  • Mike was subdued by the arresting officer.
  • With the help of a stun gun.
  • Zzzzzzzzzzaaaapppppppp!
  • It was then determined that Michael was in possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.
  • Go figger.
  • A trip to the County Lock Up ensued.
  • While he was incarcerated it was further discovered that Michael Leon Ward had an outstanding arrest warrant.
  • For murder! 
  • After being locked up for a period of time, Michael created quite a ruckus.
  • He was hysterical, screaming that another prisoner was trying to kill him.
  • Jailers responded to this incident.
  • That's when they found the gun!
  • In Michael's cell!
  • After much investigation, police ascertained that Michael had smuggled the pistol into the jail.
  • In.
  • His.
  • Ass.
  • The gun measured ten inches in length.
  • I can think of only one reason a man can conceal a ten inch pistol in his anal cavity.
  • Said anal cavity has been "enlarged".
  • Two words: Prison. Bitch.
  • Unlike Michael Leon Ward's asshole, the gun was not loaded.

***Thanks to TSG ***


  1. Um... what was the point if it wasn't loaded? Did he maybe swallow the bullets thinking he could reunite them later?
    Then again, asking logical questions related to dumbasses is never a good idea.

    1. Maybe he just likes things up his ass.

      I'm just sayin'.


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