Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Guy Murders Policeman in N.C.; Mayor Pleads For Calm, Attends Killer's Funeral! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Guy Murders Policeman in N.C.; Mayor Pleads For Calm, Attends Killer's Funeral!

For me, it's never too early in the year to start thinking about nominees the 2014 Fred G. Sanford "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Award.

It's a day by day process because you never know what to expect when dealing with the seven billion Dumbasses who inhabit Planet Earth. Just as soon as you I think, "there's no fucking way in Hell that any motherfucker out there can top this!". 

Then it happens.

Somebody does beat "this".

Last year we had some High Quality Dumbasses, but until August 21, 2013 no Dumbass had his head noticeably further up his sphincter than his competition.

On August 21, the race for the 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Award was, for all intent and purposes, over. 8/21/13 was the day that we ran the story of the Dumbass who got his rocks off by inserting a FORK in his dick!

Game. Over.

So far in 2014, the Meth Head Who Fought Off Fifteen Cops While Spanking His Monkey is the clear Leader in the Clubhouse.

Until now.

Barring the Return of Jesus and the Salvation of Mankind, I can say with the same degree of certainty that Barack Obama is a Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Failure (SCOAMF - Thanks, Morons!that even though it's only April, the competition for this year's Dumbass of the Year Award is OVER! 



A drug-addled one man riot of a loser fending off fifteen heavily armed, well-trained Police Officers while he was jacking off is out of the running for being the Dumbass of the Year because another Human Bean actually did something more despicable than beating up cops while whacking his pee pee.

And as far as I know know absolutely no drugs were involved.

Neither was so much as the average brain power of a big steaming pile of possum shit.

It took a politician.

Fearless Leader Note: I make no bones about my Very Conservative Political Leanings on this blog, so if you are a Democrat, Liberal, Socialist, Fascist, Pussy (but I repeat myself) or of any other political stripe that gets his/her nut sack/mimsy flaps sandpapered over someone on the Left Side of the Aisle getting his ass reamed for abhorrent behavior typical of many (not all) on the Left, then stop reading now! If you continue beyond this point, you run the risk of vapor lock. But being the Mean, Evil, Bigoted, Sexist, Raaaaacist (always 5 "a"s in raaaaacist) Anti-Gay, Statue-Worshiping Catholic, Redneck, Right Wing Nut Job that I am, I. Don't. Give A. Fuck.

Fearless Leader Note Numero Two-o: In the Spirit of Bipartisanship, if the Dumbass Who Is Breathing My Air in this story were a Conservative, Republican, RWNJ, I'd REALLY let him have it. I'm looking squarely at you John McCain, Lindsey Graham, John Boehner and all you RINO Asslickers.  In comparison, I will be very nice to Dana Outlaw.

Who Is Dana Outlaw?

Dana Outlaw is the recently-elected Mayor of New Bern, North Carolina.

He is also an Anti-American, Law Enforcement-Hating, Military-Loathing, Cop Killer-Loving, Swamp Donkey Cock Sucking Taint Stain.

These are my words - backed up by facts.  

  • Alexander Edward Thalmann served his country in the United States Marine Corps.
  • Upon completion of his service to his country, last August Alex became a Police Officer in New Bern, North Carolina.
  • Officer Thalmann was 22 years old.
  • When he was murdered in cold blood in the line of Duty. 
  • By Bryan Stallings.
  • Stallings also shot and injured another New Bern Policeman during his rampage.
  • Bryan Stallings was erased from the face of the Earth when Police returned fire.
  • Grave. Yard. DEAD.
  • Good.
  • There was a Memorial service scheduled for Officer Thalmann.
  • It was cancelled by Mayor Outlaw and other city officials in New Bern.
  • Why?
  • Because Hizzoner and the City Board of Aldermen of New Bern, North Carolina are sphincter-sucking pussies.
  • Two funerals were scheduled.
  • 1 for Alexander Thalmann, United States Marine and New Bern, N.C. Police Officer and 1 for Bryan Stallings, Cop Killer Who Is Now Burning in Hell.
  • Guess which one Mayor I Don't Give a Shit chose not to attend?
  • Hint: It wasn't the Cop Killer's.
  • What. The. Actual. Fuck?!
  • The Mayor's reason?
  • His own words: to "reach out to the City of New Bern and ask everyone to be calm and work through this."
  • Are you fucking kidding me?
  • Mayor I Suck Satan's Cock, I would respectfully suggest that you reach out to the law abiding citizens of New Bern and explain to them why you egregiously disrespected the life of a young man who chose to serve and protect them and their families from garbage like Bryan Stallings, and DIED in doing so.
  • BTW, Mayor, Alex Thalmann was serving and protecting your sorry ass also.
  • By saying, "be calm and work through this" did it have something to do with the fact that Officer Thalmann and Bryan Stallings (also a Sucker of Satan's Dick) are of different races?
  • Yes.
  • I went there.
  • What if these men's races were reversed?
  • Whose funeral would you attend?
  • Would the "be calm and work through this" Rule still be in effect?
  • I'm just askin'.
  • The people you are pandering to ain't stoopid.
  • They see right through your bullshit.
  • Oh, yeah... the Mayor is a White Guy.
  • He is also an asshole.
  • I don't care if the Cop was black and the Bad Guy was white.
  • Fuck the Bad Guy.
  • Every. Damn. Time.
  • Period.
  • Did I mention that on his Facebook page Mayor Outlaw said something along the lines of "Yay! Spring is finally here! By the way, one of New Bern's Policemen was killed in the line of Duty"? 
  • It is precisely for this reason that I question the Mayor's judgement.
  • Not to mention his mental capacity.
I am fully aware that there are many fine people in New Bern, North Carolina that knew and loved Bryan Stallings. My heart weeps for them. It really does. He was somebody's son, brother and maybe even a father.

He also murdered in cold blood one Police Officer and shot another! 

Fuck. Him.

God will deal accordingly with Bryan Stallings.

Now, it's time for the people of New Bern to deal with their Mayor.

May I offer some Advice From an Outsider?

I'm gonna do it anyway, so deal with it.
  1. Petition to recall Mayor I Look Like Fearless Leader's Avatar. (The Head Up the Ass one)
  2. Then vote the bastard out of office.
  3. I don't care of what party affiliation or race the next Mayor will be.
  4. Or pressure the Useless Sack of Aardvark Ass Emissions to resign his office.
By attending Bryan Stallings' funeral, Dana Outlaw not only showed blatant insolence for the Law Enforcement Community in New Bern, and a young man who willingly put his life on the line and lost it in the service thereof, but for its population, the majority of whom legitimately voted this cretin into office as well.

He screwed each and every one of you and didn't even kiss you.

Besides, to be named the 2014 Dumbass of the Year he only had to outdo a Cop Beating Whacking Off Meth Head.

And it's only April.

Well done, Mayor Outlaw!

Fuck. You.


Of the Year.


  1. Wow there just aren't words. Out of respect I read the whole obit.

  2. ...

    The scary part of this is that because it is only April there is some chance that someone else may do something worse and win the award. I mean, putting it there is like issuing a challenge to the rest of the dumbass horde, "Here's the bar, see if you can sink lower." And, because we are a world of dumbasses we will race to the challenge.

    This is so disgusting. Who cares about race. The major went to the funeral of a cop killer... He should be recalled. He should be banned from serving any political position ever again. Any lifetime perks his mayoral term was supposed to receive should be cancelled. And he should be forced to enroll in a police academy. I doubt he would make it through, but at least the experience should show how greatly he disrespected the service and every member past, present and future...

    1. Great comment, dj.

      I only brought up race because the guy is, in my opinion, pandering to a particular group of people - no matter the color. Why the hell else would he do something so fucking outrageous?

      He responded on his FB page by saying that the killer's Mm worked for many years for the City of New Bern, so felt he would show her some support. By attending the funeral of a guy that killed a cop? I have no problem with his support of Mom, my problem is the way he did it. I feel sorry for the poor woman too. He could have had a private meeting with her or something.

      The Mayor is still a dick, so fuck him.

  3. I don't think you should be containing your emotions like this...

    I'm not familiar with this story, other than what I read here. If it is as cut and dried, I'd be curious to see if the Mayor's tenure ends abruptly/

  4. I am speechless over this dumbass Mayor's actions. I hope he never needs to be saved or protected by law enforcement there as I doubt anyone would take a bullet for this asshole!

  5. Oh my dear god. I hope he is now known as the EX-mayor. But, as there are so many dumbasses out there, I highly doubt it. Sigh.

    1. Some day he'll be an Ex-Mayor, but he'll never be an Ex-Dumbass.


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