Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Questions Abound! The Dumbass Horde Asks and I Answer! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Questions Abound! The Dumbass Horde Asks and I Answer!

As you know, over the last year, Dumbass News has grown exponentially. For all you Yoopers out there "exponentially" means " a shit load".

With this in mind, I thought it might be a good idea to open the floor to questions that you might have about your Fearless Leader, Dumbassery or life in general.

So I did what any Fearless Leader interested in the most accurate scientific data available would do - I asked my Facebook followers to fire away.

They responded in a manner akin to dropping a nuclear weapon on an anthill.

With extreme prejudice and little regard for common decency and morals.

Not to mention the ants.

In other words, with my kind of questions.

I love Dumbasses.

Q & A With Fearless Leader

Q: What hobbies does a Fearless Leader engage in? Official Vagina of Dumbass News (This is a REAL person with a REAL vagina)
A: Besides scrapbooking? (Thanks, Vag!) My Favorite Thing in the World To Do (besides having Mad Monkey Sex with Mrs. Fearless Leader & dressing like a naughty Catholic school girl on those "special" Saturday nights) is fishing. Everything else is second. As y'all will see on video later this spring, I am big into gardening. On occasion I also rather enjoy having one of my testicles s-q-u-e-e-z-e-d out of my nut sack by Mrs.King Kong with the Kung Fu Grip.

Q: Do you like kids? Thanks in advance for your answer, Daddy. Unnamed 11 Year Old Daughter
A: Yes. I love children. Especially with salt and mustard.

Q: Do your parents know you're a Dumbass? Dustin Thomas
A: Do your parents know you read this shit? To answer your question, yes, Dustin, they do. I come from a very long and "distinguished" line of Dumbasses. My eight times Great Grand Father published the then-equivalent of Dumbass News several hundred years ago when my family first landed upon the Fruited Plain - Ye Olde Newseth of the Dumbasseseth.

Q: Fearless Leader, with the astonishing popularity of shows like The Walking Dead, what is your view on zombies? Dead Obama Voter in Chicago
A: As a staunch Defender of the Constitution of the United States of America, I think we should make it illegal for the Undead to vote. Or eat live human beans. Or eat live human beans while voting. Bob Hope further expounds on my views on zombies in this short clip from "The Ghost Breakers".



Q: If a Dumbass had only one day to live, what would that Dumbass do to ensure he/she leaves behind a Dumbass Legacy? Terrye Toombs, Dumbass and Asshat Ranter
A: As I stated on Facebook, this is a very heady question, Terrye. If today were my Last Day on Earth, I would want to be remembered for Eternity as The Guy Who Got His Dick Stuck in a Toaster , Was Freed and Then Was Smothered to Death By an Ample Pair of Knockers. But, that's just me.

Q: Dumbass Guest Poster Zoe Go asks, when did you first realize that you were a Dumbass and how long did it take you to accept it?
A: I am a Natutal Born Dumbass. I have always known it in my heart, but I didn't fully realize the impact it would have on my life until the jury came back with the guilty verdict.

Q: If you could have dinner with three dead people, who would they be and how would you cover the smell? Cornfed Girl Johi Kokjohn-Wagner
A: Since dead people eat very little, this doesn't make a helluva lot of sense. Covering the smell of dead people makes perfect sense however, and to do that, I'd send them to the Red Light District of Newark, New Jersey, or as it otherwise known, "Tuna Town".

Q: Teri "Snarkfest" Biebel, the Official Sultanette of Snark for Dumbass News, presents us with a moral dilemma with her question: shouldn't there be a law preventing Dumbasses from procreating?
A: As the father of four children (7, 11, 31, 35), I look lovingly at my progeny and shout it from the highest mountaintop for all the world to hear...Damn straight! You poor fuckers are stuck with the four of them for the next eighty years or so! And I offer no apologies! Bwahahahahahaha!

Dumbasses.

8 comments:

  1. hahahaha....This is awesome! I feel so much closer to you now! Like I really understand you on an intellectual level!! I knew you were going to say fishing!!! I knew it! I was like...I bet he is going to say fishing! and then you did.... I do the naughty catholic school saturday night special also!....but these days...by the time I fit my ass into the costume I'm tired! I'm not as young as I used to be ya know. Fearless, I too am leaving 4 of my prodigies on this planet! all I can say about that is hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahaa....*cough...hahahahahahahha...you get the idea....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fishing is cheaper than therapy. I am a good talker, God is a good listener. Also, many fish burgers ensue.

      BTW....scrapbooking is a close second to fishing. :)

      Delete
  2. Truly, the dumbassery behind the dumbass is astounding!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Astounding" is my middle name!

      Delete
    2. Fearless Astounding Leader?

      Delete
    3. You may call me "Fearless" or "Astounding". I answer to either.

      Delete
  3. I'm so sorry that you've never experienced what it's like not to be a dumbass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On the bright side....I use my lifelong experience with Dumbassery to help other Dumbasses realize just how fucking stoopid they are.

      I'm a giver like that.

      Delete

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