Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: The Swiss Cheese Pervert of Philly! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, April 10, 2014

The Swiss Cheese Pervert of Philly!

Best of Dumbass News

Sometimes, I just don't like Facebook.

They change shit around more often than I change underwear.

Which is daily.

I mean I change my underwear daily. Facebook is kind enough to stretch their changes out to every week or so.

On the other hand, Facebook can be a very useful communications tool.

For example, I use Facebook for not only keeping up with family and friends around the country, I also have a separate Facebook page for Dumbass News.

Also, family, friends and neighbors can instantly be notified of an unfolding serious situation that may affect them at home or work.

As a Matter of Fact...

In the Mayfair area of Philadelphia, a resident recently posted on Mayfair's TownWatch Facebook page the following: "Good morning, Mayfair! Please be aware of the Swiss Cheese Pervert!" 

When I first read that announcement, I thought, "There's no human bean on Earth stoopid enough to put his pecker in a block of Swiss cheese."

I was only partially wrong.

The Dumbass put his pecker though the hole in a slice of Swiss cheese!

It is my Considered Fearless Leader Who Has Not Sexually Experimented With Swiss Cheese But Is Intimately Familiar With the Wonders of Lady Bits Opinion that this is, shall we say, "abnormal" behavior.

No we shall not say that this is "abnormal" behavior, we shall say that this is "fucked up". 

But! 

If you thought that this story ended there, you would be wrong.

Very wrong.

Remember that Mayfair TownWatch Facebook post I referred to up there^^^?

The second part of that message reads thusly: "This individual is driving around communities and exposes himself to women". 

Here's money shot: "He offers them money to watch him put Swiss cheese on his privates!

While some of you may be shocked and appalled at such deviant behavior, in the City of Brotherly Love this is often referred to as "Wednesday".

Bets I'm Willing to Make About the Swiss Cheese Pervert 

I Was Right

  • That the Swiss Cheese Pervert is a heavy set White Guy.
  • He's prolly a virgin.
  • Except for the Swiss Cheese Cha Cha Thing. 
  • He once cheated on Swiss cheese with Velveeta.
  • Swiss is not the only cheese on his weenie.
  • One word: Fromunda. 
  • Also, cockage cottage cheese.
  • SCP uses nothing but the finest Swiss cheese from "happy" cows in Cal-ee-forn-ya.
  • Alcohol may be involved.
  • Weekend Pass.
  • I bet he's a hoot at a fondue party.
Dumbass.

***Hat Tip Independent.co.uk***

14 comments:

  1. Still not as sad is the Asian dude who stuck his peen in the hole of a park bench and got stuck there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Swiss cheese has its virtues - like no splinters.

      Delete
  2. Maybe he's smart, it got him publicity and a featured post on here...lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He has also done more singlehandedly to discourage the eating of Swiss cheese than any man in history.

      Delete
  3. FREAK!
    Obviously, he doesn't know that true dairy love can only be found with a fresh grilled cheese sandwich.
    Totally worth the burns.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, at least you know those holes in the swiss cheese are being put to good use.

    Also, facebook drives us crazy with thier dumbass updates!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm from South Philly. Our white guys only do this with provolone right off their hoagies. Or put ON their hoagies, if you wanna get technical.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Maybe this is how the holes in Swiss cheese are made?! ;-)

    ReplyDelete

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