Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Attempted Murder by Poisoned Vajayjay! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, May 12, 2014

Attempted Murder by Poisoned Vajayjay!

Best of Dumbass News

One more time: If the woman in this story isn't named the winner of the 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Award for 2013, I'll kiss your ass in the middle of downtown Dallas and give you an hour to draw a crowd. 

Words I regret ever having written.

Not only did I knowingly scribble that sentence, I did so with the unwavering confidence that I would never see downtown Dallas again. Twice.

I should've known better.

The last week's worth of stories will be long remembered as the most loaded-with-Dumbass of the Year Candidates-Week in the two and a half year, 850+ blog post history of Dumbass News.

So far.

Today's tale once again pegs the Dumbass-O-Meter to eleventy111!!11!! and is probably NSFW!

Tainted Taint

There's a lady down in Brazil that doesn't like her husband very much. Her dislike for her spouse had gotten to the point that she wanted to kill him. So she devised an ingenious plan to rid herself of him once and for all.

She poisoned her vajayjay!

A man is accusing his wife of trying to kill him by putting poison in her vagina and convincing him to perform oral sex with her.
The man, 43, became suspicious when he noticed a strange odor coming from his wife’s genitals, according to Portuguese news outlet tvi24.
When he took her to the hospital, she confessed to the plan, and doctors found enough poison in her body to kill them both.
She plotted to kill her husband when he refused to divorce her, according to the Huffington Post UK. She was treated and released from the hospital.
Officer Walter Colacino Junior has ordered further investigation of the case before any legal action is taken.

What I Think
  • Brazil is a heavily Catholic country and divorce is a Big No No in the Church, but I am sure that somewhere in the dogma of Catholicism there's a rule against murder also. 
  • I am, I think, not going too far out on a limb when I say that attempted murder is against the law even in a happy-go-lucky place such as Brazil. 
  • What was this stoopid broad thinking? Did she not consider the fact that putting a toxic substance in her nether regions might just be dangerous to herself as well?!
  • If an odd odor is emanating from a cooter, is the cooter contaminated?
  • What effect will this incident have on oral sex in Brazil?
  • Should a warning label stating "Oral Contact with This Vajayjay May Be Fatal" be required on every vagina in the country?
  • Will the Brazilian Gubmint pass strict new Cooter Control laws?
  • How does a woman go about de-toxifying a poisoned lady part?
  • I hope this is not a trend.
  • I shall avoid Brazil like it's downtown Dallas.


  1. If I'm gonna die for one word, that word would be poontang.

  2. Fo, fo, fo, fo, fo, fo and FO! (Spanish for ew/disgusting). I have no other words. :)

  3. Let this be a lesson to you married Dumbasses out there. :)

  4. that is pretty messed up.

    not surprising, but still messed up.

    1. Messed up 7 ways to Sunday. And ruining a perfectly good vagina as a result.


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