Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: License & Insurance, Please: DUI Lady Pulls Out Likker Store Receipt! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

License & Insurance, Please: DUI Lady Pulls Out Likker Store Receipt!

DUI (Driving Under the Influence, for all the Yoopers out there) is a very serious offense.

I do not take it lightly.

Aside from the obvious dangers, when no innocent people are hurt, maimed or killed, the circumstances surrounding the situation after someone gets pulled over for driving drunk can be, shall we say, "unusual".

For instance: 
  • One Dumbass tried to beat the breathalyzer by sucking on his underwear! 
  • Another idjit was pulled over for driving while fucked up and having sex at the same time!
  • Yet another drunk driver was going through a DUI checkpoint when he was ratted out by a parrot!
Now, along comes Brenda Drinkwater from Arlington, Massivetwoshits.
Brenda Drinkwater, Dumbass Drunk

Brenda was driving along minding her own bidness and doing just fine.

Except for one thing.

She was driving on the wrong side of the road!

It is my Considered Former Professional Drinker Opinion that if you are stoopid enough to get behind the wheel of an automobile after having had too many alcoholic beverages, it is always best to avoid accidents, pedestrians and driving against traffic. These things are sure-fire ways to garner the attention of the Local Constabulary.

Anyway....Brenda is driving on the wrong side of the road and although avoiding a head on collision and flattening a few pedestrians, lo and behold, she garners the attention of the Local Constabulary.

Cop: May I see your insurance and drivers license, Ma'am?
Brenda: Shertainly, Occifer!

Brenda carefully reaches into her purse the documents that the Nice Policeman requested and she pulls out a credit card and a receipt for the vodka she had just purchased.

Brenda was charged with DUI and some other shit.

It was her seventh DUI.

If only she had lived up to her name - Drink. Water.

Without Tater Juice. <----Vodka

Dumbass.

9 comments:

  1. So when I've driven the wrong way down a one way street on more than one occasion, in fact more than two being sober...what does that say about me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It says that you don't drink enough.

      Delete
    2. Well there's an easy way to remedy that!

      Delete
    3. (Insert 3 Stooges Drinking Sound Effects Here)

      Delete
  2. Hello, mi amigo! I am so behind on blog posts reading! It's been a crazy week taking care of my in-laws.

    I love what you call my home state, Massivetwoshits!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hell...I get tired of picking on Oklahoma & New Jersey, so Mass was the obvious choice. :)

      Delete
  3. I heard that there are going to be significant changes to DUI laws. Unfortunately, there are some people in the legal profession who have had difficulty following the rules of professional conduct. Make sure that your lawyer has never been disciplined by the ethics board governing their state's attorneys. Always try to find best Los Angeles DUI attorney for your case.

    ReplyDelete

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