Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Sex Dolls Gone Wild in China! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Sex Dolls Gone Wild in China!

I was goofin' around when my able assistant and wife, Mrs. Fearless Leader, was doing some searching for material for today's story. She found some OK. Boy! Did she find some! When you read this story, you'll understand why I love her - great wife, terrific Mom, outstanding cook and finder of sex doll stories extraordinaire. What's not to love?

Actually, Mrs Fearless Leader sent me only one story about a sex doll but that story has a link in it to yet another sex doll treatise. Benevolent Fearless Leader that I am, I thought that telling both of these would be a great way to ease into a Tuesday.

Coincidentally, both of these tales come from China.

Sex Doll Story No. 1

A little old Chinese lady lives near a crosswalk at busy intersection and got fed up with drivers zooming by with little regard for public safety. She called the local cops who in turn did next to nothing to help alleviate the problem. More speeding drivers only caused the Little Old Lady's resolve to steel. In other words, she decided to solve the problem on her own.

I Got Nothing
Her solution? Bind a sex doll to a tree at the intersection! She was hoping that the Indy 500 wannabes would take notice of the sex doll and slow down to a reasonable speed while passing the cross walk.

No word on whether the tactic worked or not but at least one guy on a motor scooter took notice. (see photo)

Questions

As usual, I have some troubling questions to ask about the sex doll tied up to a tree at a traffic intersection with a cross walk.

Question uno: What has this old woman been smoking and can I have some?!!

Question also: Would an anatomically correct sex doll tied to a tree at a busy intersection be helpful or a hindrance? I'm going with "hindrance" on this one. While passing drivers may indeed slow down a bit, the sight of what appears to be a nekkid woman tied to a tree just might divert the drivers attention from something more important. Like, say, I don't know, maybe watching the fuck where they are going! I could be wrong. I am a Dumbass after all.

Drowning "Woman"

In Shandong (which means "plastic lover with air leak is no bueno for caca") Province, also in China, local police received a call of a woman in distress in an area river and appeared to be drowning. Ever vigilant to show their cajones by rescuing a damsel in distress, eighteen cops responded to the call. For over an hour, there were eighteen short men in police uniforms running about looking like an 18 man ant hill, shouting instructions to each other and keeping an eye on the victim - all this in Chinese! That must have sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks on speed.

This was an exciting moment for area residents as almost a thousand people gathered watching and cheering on the local constabulary.

Drowning Victim
Finally the moment of truth arrived and the shorts guys pulled the woman from the river. Except she wasn't a woman at all. "She" was a deflated sex doll! The gathered masses then suddenly dispersed like someone farted in Church after a long Saturday night of Generic Beer and Jack in the Box tacos.

Pffffffffffffttttttppppppppppp

We can learn a lot from these two most Dumbass News-worthy eventsI don't know what the hell that might be, but I just know in my heart of hearts that we could learn something from them

Oh, yeah, I know. We have learned that police trained by Red Communist Authorities with Red Communist money are about as useful as tits on a boar hog. We also now know that short guys in police uniforms in China are lonely bastards by the way they rushed to the scene of the "drowning", hoping to be the first one to give the "lady" mouth to mouth recreation resuscitation. Come to think of it, I'll bet a dollar to a donut that at least three of the cops stayed back after the matter was resolved to make sure the sex doll was "properly disposed of ", if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Better Dead Than Red

Taken in their totality, these two stories show that Communism is a miserable failure as a system of gubmint, meeting the needs of the powerful few and neglecting...woops! These stories don't prove jack shit except that the Red Communist Chinese are horny for blow up dolls. They also prove that short guys pretending to be cops, no matter how honorable their intentions, can not be trusted with a blow up doll. Even if she's deflated. The sex doll is probably the closet these poor schlubs have been to a woman in months! If not years!

Miley Cyrus was nowhere to be found.

Poor Commie bastards and...

...Dumbasses.

4 comments:

  1. Oh Goodness! This was hilarious! That Mrs. Fearless sure is multi-talented! "...dispersed like someone farted in church", I love that!!! Tu eres muy muy comico! Feliz día de los Caídos! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gracias, Brick!

      Feliz Dia de Los Caidos! Viva Los Estados Unidos!

      Delete
  2. THAT'S where my female inflatable sex chick ended up. Damnit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have your videos, Teri.

      Look for them on Cinemax soon. :)

      Delete

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