Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Assault Weapon of Choice in East Texas? A Catfish! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Assault Weapon of Choice in East Texas? A Catfish!

Long time readers of Dumbass News that I am 100% against violence.

Unless it is necessary to the plot.

By "necessary to the plot" I mean "two or more lezbean hookers screaming, "Spank my ass, Big Daddy!"

We have chronicled some extremely "unique" assaults over the past 3 1/2 years. We have discovered assault that stemmed from:
Today we shall enter uncharted waters in the Sea of Ass Kickin' (assault water of course).

Down in the East Texas city of Lufkin, a mom and her daughter got into an argument.

I have lived in Lufkin before and I can tell you with certainty that disagreements between moms and daughters are not uncommon in the Piney Woods.

Physical altercations are also not unheard of.

What is unheard of (until now) is the weapon of choice used during this confrontation.

So Ma and the Daughter are going at each other like a couple of hyenas fighting over a dead wildebeast when Mom gets really aggressive.

She picks up the closest object with which to beat the shit out of her kid.

The closest assault weapon is.....a catfish! 

East Texas Assault Weapon

While a baseball bat or a 2 x 4 are the preferred non-lethal tools of Ass Kickin', Texas Style, a catfish will do in a pinch.

And just like using a ball bat or a large piece of lumber, a catfish used to inflict bodily harm upon another human bean will also land you in the Angelina County Jail. 

Whether or not hush puppies and/or cole slaw are used in the commission of the crime.

Just ask Mom.



  1. What a shame there is no video of this incident.

    1. Sad indeed. Catfish Slappin' Videos are big in East Texas. This family was obviously unprepared and negligent.

  2. Was the fish still edible after mom got done tenderizing it?

  3. What came of the fish laden daughter?

  4. She was immediately fileted, rolled in corn meal and fried.


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