Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Drunk Dumbass-On-a-Tractor Fun & Felonies! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Drunk Dumbass-On-a-Tractor Fun & Felonies!

During my 30+ year Big Game Hunting, Fishing and Professional Drinker Rampage Extravaganza, I did some really stoopid shit.

Most of it I can't write about because the Statute of Limitations on many of those "youthful indiscretions" has not yet run out.

In spite of some of the "more questionable" conduct in my past, I can, without reservation, confess to you that I never:
While these are each and every one exemplary endeavors for any Drunk Dumbass, much to my chagrin (except for crashing in a garbage truck), I never acted out nor participated in any of these activities.


Although the "gettin' some" while cruising down I-95 sounds rather inviting.

Note to Self: ask Mrs. Fearless Leader if she would be in favor of taking a nice "Sunday Drive" some day soon. IYKWIMAITYD.

I have not partaken of any sort of distilled spirits, beer, wine or any other form of adult libation in over four years. Sad, ain't it?

I must admit that I get a little envious of some of my friends when they get hammered and do something "out of the ordinary". Especially when doing something "out of the ordinary" involves tractors.

"Drunken Tractor Tomfoolery", or for me, lack thereof, is why I am jealous of Joshua Viau of Cheboygan, Colorado.

Allow me to elucidate.

Josh got tanked up one night and as is customary, obligatory even, for a Drunk Dumbass hopped on a tractor and took a ride around town.

Then he ran into the cops.

Literally.

Chain of Events
  • Josh eludes the police by turning down a side street.
  • Josh makes a u-turn.
  • After hanging a Bat Turn, Joshua attempts to plow over a police cruiser.
  • This is a very bad idea.
  • He missed ramming the police car so he went down another side street.
  • At this point Josh runs a stop sign.
  • Then he makes another u-turn.
  • And another attempt at smashing into the cop car.
  • SMASH!
  • He succeeds.
  • By "succeeds", I mean he runs the tractor up on the hood of the police vehicle.
  • The tractor then tips over on its side!
  • Josh suffers minor injuries.
  • Various and sundry felony charges ensue.
  • Josh will now play "Farmer Bruce" with a prison inmate named "Peaches" for 5 - 7 years.
  • Or more.
Dumbass.

***Hat tip to one of my favorite bloggers - Twindaddy at Stuph Blog ***

4 comments:

  1. Haha. As I was reading this I was all, "Hey...this sounds familiar..."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Do tell, TD, do tell.....

    Thanks for the tip, Bro!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I want to go on a drunk tractor joy ride!! That sounds like a lot of fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, it is!

      So a friend tells me anyway....ahem....

      Delete

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings Google

Follow Us