Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Ukranian Guy Celebrates Victory in Eating Contest by Dropping DEAD On the Spot! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Ukranian Guy Celebrates Victory in Eating Contest by Dropping DEAD On the Spot!

Best of Dumbass News

I like contests.

I get emails all the time from web sites that I subscribe to urging me to "Enter to Win!".

I enter, but I don't win.


Yet, I enter, time after time after time, hoping against hope that I'll finally bring home the bacon. 

Or the cookware in which to fry the bacon.

I once entered a contest where there were to be 6 billion winners!

I didn't win.


Maybe I should move to Ukraine.

Contests are big in Ukraine.

As a Matter of Fact...

They just had a Dumpling Eating Contest in a Ukrainian village as part of some sort of a local festival. the object of the contest was to see which participant could eat ten potato-stuffed dumplings in the shortest amount of time.

The Grand Prize was (I am not making this up) a one liter jar of sour cream!

The winner ended up being a 77 year old man who downed the dumplings in less than thirty seconds!

The winner celebrated his stunning victory by keeling over graveyard dead!

Now, I am reasonably certain that this is not the desired outcome of most contests. As a general rule, contest sponsors really get a kick out of the victorious contestant enjoying his or her winnings.

Dropping dead is not a sign of one basking in the glow of the thrill of victory.

You wanna know how the Dumpling Eating Champ died?

He. Choked. To. Death. On. His Own. Vomit!

From ramming ten potato-filled dumplings down his gullet in less than thirty seconds.

No word on whether the runner up was awarded the liter of sour cream after the winner died.

Seems only fair to me.


***Photo from***


  1. Ah, Darwinism...

  2. Wonder if it would have been better if he had used the sour cream when eating?


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