Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Back to School: Dumbass School Lunch Menus! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Back to School: Dumbass School Lunch Menus!

Hear that?

I don't either.


It's deafening.

Why so quiet at the Dumbass Dome? 

School started today!

Woohoo! Back flip! Summersault! Faceplant!

Like tens of millions of other kids, my two little girls went back to school today.

I refer to this time of year as Another Year Closer to Kicking the Kids Out of My House Time.

Bailey the 7 Year Old is now in 2nd Grade while her older sister Isabella is now at the Top of the Elementary School Food Chain as a 6th Grader or as she said this morning, and I quote, " I am now one of the Rulers of the School!"

Over the course of the next two hundred or so days, I'll be asked, Daddy, what's for lunch at school tomorrow?" approximately 183 bajillion times. The answer will be the same 183 bajillion times - "You can read! Go look at the School Lunch Menu attached to refrigerator. You know, like it has been every school day for the last 7 years!" (kindergarten included)

Since I moved to Maine and became Issy's Daddy a little over eight years ago, I have seen some weird shit listed on the Augusta School Department lunch menus.

These menu items sound innocuous enough, but I have seen some of the lunch ingredients that the School Cafeteria Ladies have to work with and believe you me, they ain't nothin' like what they are named.

For Example

Here are how a few items are listed on the school lunch menu and what they are really made of.

  1. Authentic Mexican Tacos - Shredded and lightly seasoned chihuahua on a fried tortilla.
  2. Supreme Pizza - Commonly referred to by students as Alpo On Dough.
  3. Cook's Surprise - Leftovers from the Homeless People's Kitchen. Surprise!
I found these delectables from School Lunch Menus from around the Fruited Plain.

A Menu That Will Live in Infamy

Without-a-Soul Food

Land of Cotton?

I Prefer Tequila Tostadas



  1. I would have loved that last one in school. Bacon!

    Enjoy the silence of an empty house now that school started!


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