Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Chinese Buffet: Roadkill! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Chinese Buffet: Roadkill!

Best of Dumbass News

You know how in any town of any size there are 134 Dine In/Take Out Chinese Restaurants to every citizen? I have, and I'm sure you have as well, wondered how they could serve an All You Can buffet fit for an Emperor for only $5.99.

Now we have an answer.

And it ain't purty.


All Joking Aside...

I have often joked about the reason the prices are so low is that the owners of the restaurant, often immigrants to America and unfamiliar with our customs and laws, probably got the meat on the buffet from the local Animal Shelter. It's worse than that, folks.

Much worse.

CBS affiliate WYMT tells us about a Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky that went the extraa mile in feeding their customers. And by "extra mile" I mean to the nearest interstate highway. WYMT reports, "Two of the workers came in wheeling a garbage can and they had a box sitting on top of it. And hanging out of the garbage can, they were trying to be real quick with it. So that nobody could see it. But there was like a tail, and a foot and leg. Sticking out of the garbage can and they wheeled it straight back into the kitchen," adds Hopkins. (ed.- "Hopkins" was a customer/witness to this mess)
Hopkins, who described the scene that left a trail of blood across the floor as 'very disturbing,' called the health department immediately.
An environmental health inspector, Paul Lawson, reportedly arrived at the Chinese restaurant after the complaint to find a dead deer in the restaurant's kitchen.

The workers did this with customers in the dining room!


What? No Possum?

Before reading the story, having sen only the headline to it, I was thinking that some Ma and Pa cafe had been caught serving possum or raccoon in their place. I never in a million years would have guessed it was a Chinese restaurant. We're talking about Kentucky, not Cal-ee-forn-ya here.

What kills me is the fact that the two China Guys thought they could get away with wheeling the dead deer in the trash can through the dining area. With actual customers in there and everything. I would give a thousand bucks to have heard the hatching of this brilliant plan.

China Guy 1: Hey, Won Hung Lo! Let's go on the north side of Interstate 75 and look for tomorrows buffet meat. I hear the truckers run over deer and possum there like crazy and just leave them laying on the roadside. Those ungrateful Imperialist Yankee Pigs!

China Guy 2: OK, Dum Phuk Er! Let's go!

China Guy 1: When we get back to the restaurant, we must quickly wheel the roadkill in through the Dining Room! Got It? Those American Dogs will be too busy eating yesterday's skunk, which they think is beef! Hahahahaha!

China Guy 2: You crack me up, Dum Phuk Er! Wait'll they get a load of the "duck"!

China Guys 1 & 2: bwahahahahahahahaha !!!!

Which brings me to a joke. How many Chinese restaurant owners does it take to make a lunch buffet? Two. One to watch out for traffic! bwahahahahahahahahaha I kill myself sometimes.

Penalty Box

You'd think that some major closure and/or fines would be imposed on the restaurant owners, right? Wrong. The WYMT report goes on, "The Red Flower Chinese Restaurant will not face any fines and will be able to reopen if they pass a secondary health inspection. The restaurant owner alleges that he was going to serve the deer to his family and not to customers." 

Riiiiiiiiiiiighttt. And I am the fucking Tooth Fairy


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