Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Lady Buys Crappy Meth, Files Complaint with Police! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Lady Buys Crappy Meth, Files Complaint with Police!

We are very fortunate in this country to be blessed with the inalienable Right to Be Stoopid as Hell.

It's in the Constitution of the United States of America. This right is unambiguously and unequivocally granted in a rarely quoted part of the 1st Amendment - right after the Freedom of Religion and Free Speech stuff, the words "Freedom to be stoopid as a stump fence" are clearly inscribed on this document, just as the Founding Fathers intended.

The Founders were obviously visionary men as they surely knew that as the country grew and became more populated that the number of Stump Fence Stoopid People would multiply exponentially. As usual these men were prophetic in their sheer brilliance. For proof see the comment boards on CNN.com or MSNBC.com.

As is often the case with language, the phrase "Stump Fence Stoopid People" has mutated into the vernacular as "leftist", "liberal", "Democrats" and "Obama", collectively known as  "Dumbasses".

But I digress.

The Right to be Stoopid as Hell, again as intended by the Founding Fathers, takes into account that Stump Fence Stoopid People do Stump Fence Stoopid and Illegal Stuff like narcotics for example.

Certainly making a transaction with your Local Drug Dealer can be classified as a "business transaction", but this sort of illicit interaction lacks some of the more fundamental privileges of a retail transaction - refund, exchange, satisfaction guaranteed, etc.

Unless you are a meth head.
Lynette, Chronically Stoopid

Lynette Rae Sampson of Enid, Oklahoma is a perfect illustration of this collision of "free market" and "black market" principles.

You see, Lynette went to her Friendly Neighborhood Supplier of Controlled Substances and bought some meth.

She was very unsatisfied with the product and demanded satisfaction.

So, did Lynette go back to her "connect" and say, "Hey, Dumb Fuck! This crap is about narcoticky as baking soda! What's up with that shit?" No. She did not.

She sought resolution of this Controlled Substance Conflict by calling and complaining to the Enid (Okla) Police Department!

While well within her Right to be Stoopid as a Stump Fence, this was not within the purview of several Federal and State Laws specifically stating that purchasing an possession of methamphetamine is a Very Big No No. 

On the bright side, Lynette will be drug free for the next few years due to the State of Oklahoma's Right to Slap Her Stoopid as a Stump Fence Hiney into The Slammer.

Dumbass.

***Hat Tip: Scott Hansen & Enid News & Eagle ***

4 comments:

  1. she looks totally SHOCKED in the mugshot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If by "shocked" you mean "tweaking", I agree, Jman!

      Delete
  2. I haven't lived a pristine life, but... how far gone do you have to be to call the cops to complain about the bad drugs you just bought? The answer, and the fact that someone actually did exactly that, is terrifying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No shit!

      It's like getting a DUI and saying that the bartender FORCED you to drive instead of calling a taxi!

      Delete

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