Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Assault: Attack with Dildocular Object! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Dumbass Assault: Attack with Dildocular Object!

Best of Dumbass News

Most of are pretty fortunate to have (or had, if she has gone on to her Reward) good Moms.

I, for one, realize that Ma Fearless Leader is a keeper.

I have done some stoopid shit in my life and Ma has always been there for me when other family members and people who I thought were my friends abandoned me like Preznit Stomp Feet has dumped (on) our Constitution.

Don't get me wrong, Ma FL didn't always treat me like "Poor Baby Fearless Leader", she has lit my ass up more times than I care to mention.

Still she did it with love.

And a cast iron skillet to the skull.

Please understand I will tell anyone, anytime to politely "go lick a sweaty swamp donkey's nut sack". Including Preznit Head Up His Ass. But not my Mom, the Pope or the Reverend Billy Graham. <--- Dumbass News, Rule 1.

There are, however, Dumbasses who, shall we say, have very little respect for their Maternal Parentage. No, we shall say that some Dumbasses need their spleen extracted. Through their asshole. By the Barbed Cock of Satan.

Cara Claffy (say that three times real fast) is just such a Dumbass.
Vibrator Vigilante

Cara and her mother Sheryl got into a verbal altercation.

This argument escalated rather quickly, with the outcome being blood streaming down Sheryl's face.

As the result of being clobbered on the cranium by a VIBRATOR!

This story takes place in The Land of Entrapment - Nuevo Mexico.

I have lived in New Mexico and let me tell you that they have some very draconian laws with regard to beating your Mother to a bloody pulp with a vibrator.

One punishment for such a heinous attack is a sentence of six months of living in Newark, New Jersey.

And that's just for the first offense!

A second conviction for Assault With a Dildocular Object on Yo Mama carries a far stiffer penalty - watching all twelve seasons of American Idol on continuous loop!

Oh, the savagery!

Isn't there something in the Constitution about cruel and unusual punishment?

It occurs to me, however, that our Founding Fathers never envisioned a crime as atrocious as slapping your Mother up side the noggin with a sex toy. Nor could the Founders have predicted something as God awful dreadful as Idol.

It should come as no surprise that this is not Cara's first run-in with The Law over domestic violence.

Did I mention that Cara Claffy also had a previous encounter with the criminal justice system over drug possession?

Color me surprised.

Dumbass.

***Hat Tip The Smoking Gun ***

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