Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Gubmint at Work: $3.2 Million to Study Drunk Monkeys! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, September 29, 2014

Gubmint at Work: $3.2 Million to Study Drunk Monkeys!

I have never been a proponent of Big Gubmint.

The Constitution of the United States clearly stipulates that the power of the Federales is supposed to be very limited in scope - securing and defending our borders, making treaties and a few other things. All other powers are to be relegated to the various states.

That said, I have no problem with some sort of Gubmint funded entities doing stuff like medical research that could (and often do) lead to treatments and cures for serious and infectious diseases.

That said, it really frosts my gazebos when our tax dollars are used for obviously stoopid shit.

Did you know that $385,000 of your hard earned contributions to the United States Treasury have been wasted on some very socially relevant programs like studying duck penises? Whoever came up with must have been thinking to himself, "Climate change, schmliate change! I just fleeced the United States Gubmint of 385Gs for the advanced study of duck dicks! Go suck Swamp Donkey Nut Sacks, Al Gore!"  

Ahhhhh, but pride goeth before the fall! Or in this case, the duck dicks go before the lezbeans!

Just when Mr. $385,000 Mallard Meat Guy gets all high and mighty about his "achievemnet", some Dumbass comes up with an even better way to scam some funding from the Gubmint! "Hey! While $385,000 for the advanced study of duck dicks is indeed necessary for the scientific advancement of our nation, I feel it is morally imperative that we conduct clear and concise research on why some Lezbeans become overweight alcoholics. That'll be $2.7 million, please!" 

Geez, this  makes me wonder what The Scientistic Community probe next that would further their cash grab benefit Mankind.

Oh, I know!

For a mere $3.2 million the National Institutes of Health will turn monkeys into to raging drunks!
The express purpose of turning apes into lushes is to determine how the ingestion of excessive amounts of booze will affect the monkeys' body tissues.

As a Patriotic American, Concerned Citizen and Former Professional Drinker, I feel it is my civic duty to step in here and offer my expertise and experience regarding this matter.

Dear N I H, 

Re; Effects of shit loads of alcohol on body tissues of monkeys

I'll be succinct.

It will fuck them up!

Fearless Leader
Patriotic American, Concerned Citizen and Former Professional Drinker

There you go, America. That's how you save 3.2 million taxpayer dollars.

You're welcome.



  1. I seem to recall people talking about a study, funded by the Carter administration, to answer the all important question:

    Is sterility hereditary?

  2. Duck dicks and lesbos and monkeys, OH MY!


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