Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Happy 4th Birthday, Dumbass News! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, September 19, 2014

Happy 4th Birthday, Dumbass News!

Doh!

Holy shit!

I just happened to look at the calendar and then it hit me.

Today is a very special day.

But I couldn't remember exactly why.

The thoughts began to race through my head like Barack Obama on meth heading to Las Vegas for a fundraiser.

Here are some of the things that crossed my mind as I tried desperately to figure out why today was so different than any of the other 364 days of the year.

  • Jessica Alba is coming to the Dumbass Dome to have a Meskin Style Mad Monkey Sex Threesome with Mrs. Fearless Leader and me.
  • Alas, Mrs. Fearless Leader doesn't roll that way.
  • Zombie Ed McMahon is gonna knock on my door informing me that I have won $10 bazillion so I can "entice" Jessica Alba into a Meskin Style Mad Monkey Sex Threesome with me and Mrs. Fearless Leader.
  • Mrs. Fearless Leader still doesn't roll that way.
  • Since Zombie Ed McMahon gave me $10 bazillion, I can pay off the National Debt. 
  • Which would leave me with $7.83.
  • The entire Gubmint of the United States of America has been replaced by responsible Constitution-adhering adults who actually love their country, Freedom and Liberty.
  • By "responsible adults" I mean Moe, Larry and Curly.
  • It couldn't be much worse.
As you might have surmised by now, none of these dealios is what makes today unique.

Then, like a bolt of lightning on a clear blue day, it struck me!

Today marks the 4th Birthday of Dumbass News!

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be sitting here today 1600+ posts and nearly one million page views later that Dumbass News would be ranked by Alexa as one of the Most Popular Blogs in the World! As I write this, Dumbass News is ranked about #180,000 world wide and about #41,000 in the United States. BTW...there are now over 1 BILLION websites in the world today. Do the math.

Wow.

Just.

Wow.

There is only one reason why Dumbass News has taken the Blogging World by storm.

And it ain't because of my Shakespearean writing abilities or my brilliant, insightful, often scathing social commentary that this blog is read by morons in 181 countries around The Big Blue Marble. Simply put, I am not a writer. I am a guy with a keyboard who can write stoopid shit. In spite of my unparalleled humility, I will concede, however, that I am brilliant and insightful and my scathing social commentary is unmatched by man or beast - but you already knew that. :)

The meteoric growth and phenomenal popularity of Dumbass News lies squarely on your shoulders. Why? Because you are fucking stoopid! <--- I say that with love in my heart. You unfailingly come back day after day, year after year reading this drivel, so you've got to a) accept the responsibility for that and b) seek professional help immediately.

On the real side...I can not begin to express how much your support has meant to me over the last four years. I stand humbled and indebted before you.

Thank you.

Now, I am off to the bank to cash my $10 bazillion check from Zombie Ed McMahon.

And to call Jessica Alba and see que pasa.

Dumbasses.

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