I am a Texan, therefore I am naturally predisposed to like potatoes.
It's in our DNA.
I love fried taters.
I like 'em smashed, French fried, baked, scalloped, hashed and totted.
There's not a way I know of that I would eat a potato.
There is one way.
If it was used as a feminine contraceptive.
Let me splain.
In Colombia (South America, not Missouri or South Carolina), there lives a woman of questionable repute. By "questionable repute" I mean "slut".
This senorita boinks every Tomas, Ricardo and Juan in her village.
I give her credit though for taking the necessary precautions in spawning any unwanted or unexpected neen-yoes.
By using the most common South American Slut Birth Control Device available - a potato!
Now, I am sure you are asking yourself, "How in the name of McDonalds French fries can a spud be used as a little swimmer stopper?"
By inserting it "down there"!
I am not making this up!
Your next question should be, "Where in the name of All That Is Holy did this whore come across this idea?!"
Before I answer that pregunta (a little Meskin lingo there), please be situated so when you keel over in a second that you will fall onto a soft place. Also make sure you have a
Senorita Slutita learned this from her MOTHER!
Espera! Hay mas! <---Meskin for "But wait, there's more!
So, one night the chick goes out and corrals herself a Drunk Meskin, or in the vernacular a Papa Frita (fried potato). They bump uglies and go their separate ways.
Senorita Slutita did not become pregnant.
She also did not remove the potato from her poonanny!
For. Two. Weeks!
***Serious Gross Out & Possible Violent Vomiting Alert***
Wait a minute! Everything thus far will seem "normal" to you until I tell you this: the potato started growing roots out the slut's vagina!
It seems that the conditions inside a woman's private parts are perfect for a potato to grow!
After a couple weeks the young lady began to experience abdominal pains and was taken to the hospital.
After much intensive consultation, the medical team examining our little Colombian Concubine determined that the tuber needed about fifteen more minutes in the "oven" before it was edible. OK, I made that "edible" part up.
The hospital staff removed the potato without having to do surgery (or use sour cream) and the puta will be fine.
All I can say is that it must have been an I Da Ho potato.
***Hat tip to Mrs. Fearless Leader and Happy Place ***