Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Patriotic Post of the Day: Fart for America! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, October 27, 2014

Dumbass Patriotic Post of the Day: Fart for America!

Yesterday I posted a Dumbass Fart Statistic that gave me the idea on how we could put the United States of America on the road to Energy Independence simply by harnessing the Power of the Poot. 

The gist of the Dumbass Fart Statistic is that if you farted continuously for 6 years and 9 months, that the total quantity of gas, or as it is known in the International Cabal of Mad Scientists and Enviropussies "Anally Emitted Climate Change Particulates" a k a "Atomic Ass Gas", produced would be equal to the amount of energy released by an atomic bomb.

Atomic Ass Gas - It's Good for America!

As the World's Leading Scientistic Journal for the Dumbass Community, it is incumbent upon the Highly Educated and Extremely Inebriated Scientistic Staff at Dumbass News to not only question the validity (or lack thereof) of the conclusions reached by Fake Scientists and Godless Commie Bastards like Stephen Hawking and a bunch of guys whose first name is an initial, but to expound and expand upon them as well.

So I called an emergency meeting of the best and brightest members of the Highly Educated and Extremely Inebriated Scientistic Staff at Dumbass News. By "emergency meeting" I mean I said, "Let me have one more hit, then we can have an Open Scientistic Discussion how we can get our nation on the path to energy independence by harnessing the power of Atomic Ass Gas". 

So we put the bong down and started bouncing ideas off each other.

We also brought in a 55 gallon drum of Fritos and a five gallon bucket of bean dip.

That's when it hit us!

BEANS are the answer!

I won't bore you with the details of how existing infrastructure like oil and natural gas pipelines could be immediately converted for the use of Atomic Ass Gas, instead I shall show to you the readily available and generally inexpensive Atoimc Ass Gas resources at the disposal of most Americans.

  • Pinto beans.
  • Cabbage.
  • Broccoli. 
  • Meskin food.
  • Taco Bell specifically.
  • Watching "The View" CAUTION: May also cause projectile puking.
Of course this means that Rolaids, Tums, Gas-X and all other antacids/anti-fart medications will be immediately re-classified as Schedule II Controlled Substances.

If every man woman and child in the United States does his/her part, we will soon be able to tell every Anti-American Country of Goat-Humping Bacon Haters in the Middle East to shove their oil wells up a camel's ass. Of course that would considered a "normal Saturday night" over there, but what the heck.

I have given you the tools so that we can ween ourselves off petroleum products into a fully Atomic Ass Gas- powered nation and fuck over the Ay-rabs in the process, now it's up to you.

It's your civic duty, Y'all!

Fart for America!

Your country needs you!

And your Atomic Ass Gas.

Dumbasses.


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