Dumbass Science: Boner In a Beaker: Lab-Grown Penises!

Let me start off today by saying that you are reading a cutting edge scientistic blog, voted as such by millions of readers around the world. And by "voted as such by millions of readers around the world" I of course mean "I made that shit up". 

Dumbass News is however recognized as the World's Leading Scientistic Journal for the Dumbass Community. This is indisputable.

As a Man of Science and Reason, I relentlessly rebuke that which is unscientistic and unreasonable - shit like Physics, Biology and Chemistry. Any stoopid fuck can do that Fake Science stuff. It takes someone with and "unconventional" outlook to see what really matters to the average Dumbass when it comes to Science. I am that man.

Some recent discoveries that are of particular relevance to Dumbasses include:

• Some English Guys came across the startling conclusion that cussing eases physical pain. Dammit.
• Hoser Canada-ite Scientists have determined that too much fast food turns your brain into the exact same substance that McDonalds uses for meat on Big Macs.
• Perhaps the most significant Scientific Discovery of our time is that vaginas can now be grown in labs! PMS not included.

In keeping with the Scientific Method (and an insatiable appetite for Federal Funding), a bunch of Highly Educated Idiots at Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine have done some "companion" with regard to pre-fab vajayjays.

Scientistic Riddle: What would be the perfect complimentary scientistic experiment to lab-grown lady bits?

If you guessed lab-grown Summer's Eve you would be wrong.

Scientistic Riddle Answer: The correct response to this intriguing question is: Petri Dish Daddy

Boner in a Beaker

Dangles! (Thanks to Chris Dean, pixie c d, for "Daddy Dangles")

In non-scientistic terms Daddy Dangles are commonly referred to as weenies, rods, the Dangling Diner, tallywhackers or pee pees.

While I am sure that there are several legitimate uses for penises grown in a laboratory setting, i.e., cancer, birth defects, etc., I am equally sure that these Man Made Meats will undoubtedly be used in ways that the Highly Educated Idiots at Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine never even considered, or the Why Didn't We Think of That Category.

Unintended But Practical Uses for After Market Penii

• Lorena Bobbit Butchery Disarrangement
• Worn Out Weenie Complaint <---Old Guys Will Dig this One.
• Dangling Diner Deficiency Disorder a.k.a. Small Stuff Syndrome
• Reverse Penis Locality Irregularity, a.k.a. Your Junk is In Your Trunk
• Severe Schlong Overhang Symptoms or Lack of Sack Syndrome
• Two Penises Instead of One, a.k.a. Bi Pole(r) Disorder
• Erection Lasting More Than Four Hours 
• Call My Doctor?
• You've Gotta Be Kiddin'
• What a Way to Go

Dumbasses.