During my years as a Professional Drinker©, I rarely, if ever, needed an excuse to crack open a co' beer.
Hey! It's Tuesday! Let's get wiped out!
Did somebody say, "Party"? <insert beer can opening sound here>
I didn't have a drinking problem. I drank. I fell down. No problem.
Actually, I did have a drinking problem - two hands, one mouth.
One thing I never did was supply minors with alcohol. That's felony-in-waiting when said minor had a car wreck and seriously injured, or worse killed, someone after consuming the alcohol that I could have given him.
Unlike this Stoopid Bitch in Palm Beach Shores, Florida.
I am really not picking on Florida. It's just that, after Cal-ee-forn-ya, you guys down there lead the Nation in the number of Dumbasses per capita. I explain why here.
Kimberly Kiernan of Palm Beach Shores likes to party. A lot.
|Kim Who Doesn't Drink|
Not long ago, Kim threw a party for The Ages. The problem is that The Ages were 14 - 17 years old! This is not only against any and all Professional Drinkers Protocol, it is also against the Law!
Did I mention that there were at least twenty-six underage young people at this soiree`?
Kim and her Young Minions, including her 7 year old son (who was locked up in a bedroom), were carryin' on in a large way. Lots of noise and loud music. Kim's neighbors were not amused. So they called the cops.
Upon arrival, the cops were not amused either.
Police trying to bust up an underage drinking party say they got more than they bargained for when they ran into an intoxicated mom, rowdy teens and a barricaded condo door.
Mixed among the scattered beer and liquor bottles across the floor, police said they found a girl, 16, choking on her vomit in a restroom. She was treated at St. Mary's Hospital.
It all happened as the 7-year-old son of the listed condo owner, Kimberly Clark Kiernan, 39, of Palm Beach Shores, was locked in a room during a Monday night party with 26 minors, according to a Palm Beach Shores Police Department arrest report.
The police pounded on the door of the apartment for a while trying to quell the party but were met the door being barricaded.
Long story short, the cops finally kicked the door in and arrested a shit load of drunk teenagers. A severely drunk Kimberly Kiernan was also placed into custody. But not before she pissed her pants. Under questioning by the PBS PD, Kim told the cops that she didn't drink - stumbling, mumbling and freshly pissed pants aside.
Kim plans to plead not guilty to the charges.
As non-celebrity almost-lawyer (Hey, I was a Pre-Law Major for a whole semester!), I believe that Kim is, in legal parlance, fucked.
More so when she experiences firsthand the joys of Lezbean Women in Cages during her residency at the Florida Department of Corrections for Lezbeans and Stoopid Bitches.
No minors allowed.