Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Cuisine: Bringing Culinary Culture to Yankee Land! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Dumbass Cuisine: Bringing Culinary Culture to Yankee Land!

Also Comes in a Gopher Gravy Variety


I have lived in Maine for about 8 1/2 years now.

Besides moving here with the hopes that the Future Mrs. Fearless Leader would take advantage of me in a carnal way thus creating a baby that would spring forth from her loins, one of my stated goals upon arriving in the Pine Tree State was to bring these Yankee Bastids some culture.

Yeah, I know they have some fine universities, museums and lobsters and shit, but what kind of damn culture is that?

In today's lesson in the Culture of Redneck Dumbassery, I'd like to focus on food.

Don't get wrong, I love lobster (it's one of my favorite vegetables), but New England Cuisine overall is, shall we say, lacking.

The closest thing to Meskin food up here is Taco Bell. BBQ? Don't even get me started. They do, however, make a pretty tasty Moose Scrotum Fondue.

OK, you got me...I made up the part about Moose Scrotum Fondue.

I think he best way to get Yankees acclimated to Redneck food is to start with the stuff that can be found in any supermarket from Texas to Georgia. You know...comfort food.

So, I racked my brain and came up with some Redneck Delicacies that are sure to please even the Most Discriminating Yankee Palate. 


Lickin' Fingers Good

The Bill Makes a Handy Gravy Ladle

Come From Soprano Fish

Rinse Before Consuming

Leapin' Lyme Disease!

Canned Possum On a Half Shell

Prime Source of the All Night Squirts

Very Popular With Gay Caballeros

Also called "Needle Dicks"

BAM!
Dumbasses.

***Hat tip to Joe Henderson, Long Time Friend & South Irving White Trash for "Creamed Possum"***

2 comments:

  1. you're a Maine(er)? why did i think you were a Texan?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are correct. Kind of.

      I am a Texan, but I do live in Maine. My wife is from here.

      Delete

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