Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: "Liquid Ass" & Other Dumbass Holiday Gift Ideas from Snarkfest! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

"Liquid Ass" & Other Dumbass Holiday Gift Ideas from Snarkfest!

I am a Guy.

I hate to go shopping.

Except for shopping while taking a doo doo.

What I Do When I Go Shopping

  1. I make a list.
  2. I get the shit on The List as quickly as possible.
  3. I pay for the shit on The List.
  4. I go home.

This is how God Hisownself intended things to be for men.

On the other hand, The Almighty, Creator of All That Is Good and Shopping Too bestowed upon wimmin two things that in the Final Analysis of the Glory of the Universe are relegated solely to the Fairer Sex - the miraculous ability to give birth to Baby Human Beans and the Capacity to Shop With the Ferocity of a Rampaging Herd of Wild Buffaloes With Their Asses Set On Fire With Kerosene. Sometimes this phenomenon referred to as "Black Friday at Wal Mart Even If It's Not Black Friday". It is indeed one of the Great Mysteries of Life. 

Galloping to the rescue (on an albino jackass named Cletus) for shopping-challenged Dumbasses like me comes the Official Sultanette of Snark for Dumbass News, Teri from Snarkfest!

Teri presents to us some mighty fine gift-giving choices for the Dumbasses who touch our lives.

What Dumbass wouldn't be ecstatic to receive something like this under the Christmas tree:

Original Liquid Ass

Snarky is professional enough a shopper to recommend only Top Quality Products like Original Liquid Ass! Don't be fooled by cheap imitation Liquid Ass substitutes! Generic Liquid Ass items just don't have enough real ass in them to compare to the all natural swamp donkey ass ingredients used in Original Liquid Ass! 

But wait! There's more! Teri has a plethora of premium presents sure to please even the most discriminating gift recipient in your home!

So, what are you waiting for??!!

Make your holiday gift selction at Snarkfest right now!

Just in case Nature calls, and you need to take a healthy shit, make sure your cell phone is charged up and ready to go so you can shop from the comfort of your very own toilet!

Teri won't even peek at you.

Unless you wanna Skype, then she's all in.

OK...I made up that "she's all in" part.

Maybe.

Dumbasses.

7 comments:

  1. "Capacity to Shop With the Ferocity of a Rampaging Herd of Wild Buffaloes With Their Asses Set On Fire With Kerosene" You colourful descriptions never fail to make me laugh my (dumb)ass off!
    Maybe you can answer my question to Teri about the 'Gravy Candy Canes' - 'Proper' english gravy? or that weird-ass American white gravy stuff?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Weird-ass American white gravy stuff is just turkey or chicken gravy (not brown because not from beef). And Toby really DOES have a way with the words, doesn't he? Old silver tongued bastard.

      Delete
    2. That's FEARLESS Old Silver Tongued Bastard, if you please.

      Delete
  2. Thanks, Pink!

    I would think that those 'Gravy Candy Canes" are made from liquified buffalo shit. But in reality, 'Proper' English gravy, or as we call it in Texas 'brown gravy'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Galloping to the rescue (on an albino jackass named Cletus) for shopping-challenged Dumbasses like me comes the Official Sultanette of Snark for Dumbass News, Teri from Snarkfest!"

      Thanks so much for mentioning Cletus! He doesn't get nearly enough mention, being an albino jackass and all.

      Delete
    2. Jackasses and Dumbasses are from the same "Ass" Family Tree. I am happy to oblige.

      Delete
  3. Liquid Ass is definitely something you don't want after eating a Mexican meal!

    ReplyDelete

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