Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: 39 & Holding: It's Mrs. Fearless Leader's Birthday! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, December 12, 2014

39 & Holding: It's Mrs. Fearless Leader's Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Fearless Leader!

My wife's warranty is about to run out.

She turns 39 today.

One more year and she's my next ex-wife.

I'm just kiddin' about that. I am stuck with her until Jesus calls me Home.

One the bright side, she's stuck with me until Jesus calls me Home.

It's been a helluva ride over the last ten years for Heather and me, but through the Grace of God, we have somehow survived. There were times that it looked like it was best if we moved on , still here we are bonded by a common love - a bond that can't (and won't) be broken, and a love for each other that refuses to die.

It's difficult for me to put into words what Heather has meant to my life, but the short version is that I love her and I cannot imagine how empty my soul would be without her.

Happy Birthday, Heather!

You melt my butter. :)

Here's a story I wrote a few years ago on Mrs. Fearless Leader's birthday and I thought I'd put it out there again.

Because I mean it.

Today is my wife's birthday. She is 39 years old, 19 years younger than me. Even though I'm so much older than she is, she's too old for me. I'd rather have two eighteen year old Swedish Bikini Team Members as "wives". Preferably lesbians. After all, 19+ 20= 39. And the lesbian part is a YouTube sensation waiting to happen. So the shit works out right.

On the real side though, my wife is a good woman, a great wife and Mother, outstanding cook and she's the shiznit in the sack. But I just can't get over that Swedish Bikini Team thing up there ^^^^^. But, I digress. In spite of all these outstanding qualities my wife, Heather, possesses, God bless her, she ain't the biggest catfish on the trot line, IYKWIMAITYD. (Yankees and Cal-ee-forn-yans may want to Google the term "trot line". No, it's not pornographic you fucking asswipes.)

Here's an example of how, shall we say, slow my wife is. No, let's not say "slow", let's say "Dumbass". One time I told her that I wanted to watch Monday Night Football. She asked me what night it was on! See? Then there was the time several years ago that I needed to get hammered. She brought me a ball peen jobby. Even though Heather is a Dumbass, she has put up with me for the last ten years, which further proves my point! If the poor woman had dynamite for brains, she couldn't blow her nose. Capice?

On the Real Side

I love Heather very much. She's stood by me when I thought even God had had enough of me. And believe you me, that's quite a job right there. She has given me two beautiful, smart, healthy little girls. She has, over the last ten years has filled a void in my life and a hole in my heart that I never expected to be filled. She has loved me when I didn't come close to deserving it more times than I can count.

In spite of the fact that I am 2000 miles from my beloved Texas, Maine is now my home and I'll probably spend the rest of my life here. And I shall do so without reservation. The reason for that is simple. Her name is Heather. Without her I wouldn't be the Dumbass I am today. I love you Heather. Happy birthday.

Dumbass. :)


  1. Awww, ya' big slushy sod ;)
    Happy Birthday Heather!

  2. Happy Birthday, Heather. You deserve a medal for living with the big Dumbass.

  3. Happy Birthday to Mrs Fearless Heather!

    She must be a saint to put up with you! ;-)

  4. Replies
    1. Thank you, TD! I hope all is well with you and your sons!


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