Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Bad Idea of the Day: Buy Crappy Meth Then Call Cops to Complain! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Bad Idea of the Day: Buy Crappy Meth Then Call Cops to Complain!

We are very fortunate in this country to be blessed with the inalienable Right to Be Stoopid as Hell.

It's in the Constitution of the United States of America. This right is unambiguously and unequivocally granted in a rarely quoted part of the 1st Amendment - right after the Freedom of Religion and Free Speech stuff, the words "Freedom to be stoopid as a stump fence" are clearly inscribed on this document, just as the Founding Fathers intended.

The Founders were obviously visionary men as they surely knew that as the country grew and became more populated that the number of Stump Fence Stoopid People would multiply exponentially. As usual these men were prophetic in their sheer brilliance. For proof see the comment boards on CNN.com or MSNBC.com.

As is often the case with language, the phrase "Stump Fence Stoopid People" has mutated into the vernacular as "leftist", "liberal", "Democrats" and "Obama", collectively known as  "Dumbasses".

But I digress.

The Right to be Stoopid as Hell, again as intended by the Founding Fathers, takes into account that Stump Fence Stoopid People do Stump Fence Stoopid and Illegal Stuff like narcotics for example.

Certainly making a transaction with your Local Drug Dealer can be classified as a "business transaction", but this sort of illicit interaction lacks some of the more fundamental privileges of a retail transaction - refund, exchange, satisfaction guaranteed, etc.

Unless you are a meth head.
Lynette, Chronically Stoopid

Lynette Rae Sampson of Enid, Oklahoma is a perfect illustration of this collision of "free market" and "black market" principles.

You see, Lynette went to her Friendly Neighborhood Supplier of Controlled Substances and bought some meth.

She was very unsatisfied with the product and demanded satisfaction.

So, did Lynette go back to her "connect" and say, "Hey, Dumb Fuck! This crap is about narcoticky as baking soda! What's up with that shit?" No. She did not.

She sought resolution of this Controlled Substance Conflict by calling and complaining to the Enid (Okla) Police Department!

While well within her Right to be Stoopid as a Stump Fence, this was not within the purview of several Federal and State Laws specifically stating that purchasing an possession of methamphetamine is a Very Big No No. 

On the bright side, Lynette will be drug free for the next few years due to the State of Oklahoma's Right to Slap Her Stoopid as a Stump Fence Hiney into The Slammer.

Dumbass.

***Hat Tip: Scott Hansen & Enid News & Eagle ***

10 comments:

  1. I cant tell, does she have all her teef?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is impressive, she must use asseffects for your teeth

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    2. Asseffects works wonders. Word on the street in Enid, OK is that for an 8 ball she gives a mean gum job, IYKWIMAITYD.

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    3. hmm I have a feeling if she called the cops because she felt she was ripped off with meth, why would anyone want a gum job from her? for all they know she may think she still has teef and when the gummin is over she may want to call the cops on that tool. :) get it gummin hahaha I made a funny right there

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