Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Driving Hilarity: A Texan, Beer, Snow & a Tight Spot (VIDEO) : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Dumbass Driving Hilarity: A Texan, Beer, Snow & a Tight Spot (VIDEO)

My longtime friend, Matt lives in Rockwall, Texas.

Besides being a great guy, I am forever in Matt's debt for a gift he gave me many years ago - Clyde the Fish. Matt stopped by my house one morning on his way to work to visit his brother mark and me. Mark, also a friend of many moons, and I were standing outside smoking a Manually Assembled Relaxation Device (MARD) or, in the vernacular, a joint when Matt pulled up.

M and M had a short conversation that went something like this:

Matt: I am gonna flush that fucking fish I own.

Mark: WTF?

Me (butting in): I'll take it!

So I did.

I named him Clyde.

I had Clyde the Fish for several years. When I moved from location to location, Clyde went with me. I bought a battery operated aquarium pump to make sure that he would make it through the trip alive.

Clyde went with me from (I am NOT making this up) from Texas to Colorado, back to Texas, back to Colorado to Ohio and back to Colorado. That's roughly 5000 miles!

Sadly, Clyde died on Christmas Eve, 2004. I buried him on the mountain behind my Mom's house.

Best pet I ever had, Clyde the Fish.

As you may have ascertained by now, at that point in my life I didn't let my hat hang on the same nail too long. (Quick Note for Yankees & Liberals: That means I moved a lot.

Unbeknownst to many of his friends in Texas, Matt is also an avid traveler. He saw the world aboard a few ships while he served his country in the United States Navy. Matt was a cook, so he served his country cakes and cookies and pies. OK, I made that "cook" thing up. I think Matthew was actually a medic in the USN.

Anyway, Matt recently took a trip to Calgary, Alberta, Canada. where he had a rare encounter with snow. And a not-so-rare encounter with Canadian Beer.

I recently unearthed some never-before-seen video of Matt trying to park his car in the parking lot of his friend Pierre Bob's apartment complex. Pierre Bob is an endangered Canuckastani Redneck. (Pierre Bob is from Southern Canada).

So here's what transpires when you mix a guy who has no fucking clue how to drive in snow, a keg of Molson's and tight spaces. To be fair, Matt was behind the wheel of a foreign automobile. It was a Chevy made in Canada.

Matt In Action: 

Let's have a Calgary Cattle Call for Matt!



***Hat Tip to The Pride of Rockwall, Texas***


  1. just cut the wheel, for mercy's sake!!!!!!!!

    1. I think he cut his cocaine when he should have cut the wheel!

  2. Dear Barbara, that's the worse bit of driving I've ever seen. I thought when I first read this that the video was of him trying to parallel park. That boy needs his license taken away and burned.

    1. My 7 year old could have parked tht car. But, unlike this Dumbass, she doesn't smoke that Killer Kanadian Kind Bud.


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