Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Focus on Climate Change! Live On an Iceberg for a Year! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, December 8, 2014

Focus on Climate Change! Live On an Iceberg for a Year!

A Dumbass & His Iceberg
Aside from the people who make up this great country, I think that the Second Greatest Thing About America is the 1st Amendment to the Constitution - you know, the one about Free Speech and stuff.

The populace aside, The Greatest Thing About America, in my Considered Fearless Leader Opinion, is the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. This is the that grants U S citizens the right to keep and bear arms against Bad Guys and (potentially) an over reaching Federal Gubmint. The 2nd Amendment is also a dandy way to protect the freedoms given to us by the 1st Amendment, in this case, the right to peaceful assembly. You'll see what I mean in a minute.

Some Americas take the "peaceful assembly" part of the 1st Amendment beyond its construed meaning and they do stoopid shit like, oh, I don't know, riot! Over Facebook comments! I feel certain that the Founding Fathers would disagree with actions such as this.

There are other Americans who take the right to have a gun to extremes as well. When guys like Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson wrote the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, I believe that they did so for the reasons I stated above (self defense, etc). I fail to where being pissed off at a neighbor who farted in your general direction falls into the category of self defense, but the Dumbass in this story interpreted the ol' 2A differently than I did. That's why he is a now a felon.

Taking things a step further, the Constitution of the United States also gives you absolute, inalienable Right to Be Stoopid As Hell. By "stoopid as hell" I mean believe in the Big Steaming Pile Known as Climate Change.

Even non-Americans are getting in the whole Free Speech, Freedom of Assembly and Right to Be Stoopid as Hell Bandwagon.

Alex Bellini, a Nice Young Stoopid as Hell Eye-Talian Dumbass, has decided to show the entire population of Earth just exactly how stoopid as hell he is.

Alex will accomplish this goal by exercising his right to Peaceful Assembly - by peacefully assembling with an iceberg!

In this instance Alex will spend a whole year living on a giant piece of floating ice as it drifts aimlessly around the Atlantic Ocean in order to call attention to Climate Change.

This little adventure will also call attention to the fact that Alex Bellini has the I Q of your average garden slug. No offense intended toward garden slugs.

I've got to admire someone who believes so strongly in a cause, even if it is a bunch of horse hockey, that he would commit himself to such an ordeal.

I am also inclined to ask some Tough Questions.

  • The obvious first question is WTF!?
  • What will Alex eat for the duration of his Iceberg Regatta?
  • Dolphin-free tuna and organic arugula?
  • How will he sleep?
  • In an allergen-free sleeping bag?
  • On a faux polar bear hide?
  • Has Alex consulted with Les Stroud the Survivorman?
  • Don't icebergs sometimes, you know, tip over and shit?
  • It is a well known fact that icebergs do melt.
  • What then?
  • Is Alex a strong swimmer?
  • Will he take his water wings and Captain Planet floatie with him?
  • Peeing while on a dancing hunk of ice in the Atlantic is easy, but what about when he has to go poop?
  • I recommend freshly-clubbed baby seal hides for use as an ass wiper.
  • They're very soft on the hiney.
  • Darwin Award with Alex Bellini's name on it is being engraved as I type this.
  • Good. Gawd.
Dumbass.

***Hat Tip to & Photo From: Treehugger.com ***

2 comments:

  1. I read the article to see if it answered my question. The article states that the intrepid Eyetalian says "I want to prove how the pace of ice-melting has dramatically accelerated over the last decades."
    My question(s) is...
    Compared to what other iceberg that someone has lived on? Did someone live on an iceberg 10 years ago and you're comparing it to that? Or are you going to "live" on it and after it melts say "jeez, ya know, that was one fast melting iceberg compared to how fast I think an iceberg should melt, we gotta quit using 60 watt bulbs also?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we just found our new Dumbass Science Editor!

      Anon's comment presents reason, common sense, facts, a solution, etc. In other words TRUTH.

      We don't have time for that shit around here.

      Thanks for the comment, Anon. If you are ever in the market for a gig as a Dumbass Science Editor, I've got a place for you on our staff.

      Delete

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings Google

Follow Us