Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Homeless Guy Swipes Ambulance to Go to Titty Bar! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, December 19, 2014

Homeless Guy Swipes Ambulance to Go to Titty Bar!

Boobies an be powerful motivators.

Especially to a Homeless Guy who has a hankerin' to see a pair of double Ds at the local jiggle joint.

Of course being a Homeless Guy generally precludes one from owning reliable transportation with which to go witness a set of sagging knockers doing the Watusi on the chest of a crack head ho of a stripper.

However, where there's a will, there's a way.

And an ambulance.

This is exactly what happened in Dee-troit recently.

Let me splain.

There is this Homeless Guy who was very lonely and thought that a trip to a topless bar would lift his spirits - not to mention his Homeless Weenie.

So Homeless Guy set forth on his way to partake of a rousing session of pole dancing by the aforementioned crack head ho strippers.

At some point HG got tired from walking to (I am not making this up) The Booby Trap, Home of Dee-troit's Finest Saggy Titted Crack Head Ho Strippers.

Then, it happened.

He saw an ambulance.

So he stole it.

After all, when a Homeless Guy wants to see some tits, it's an emergency and therefore worthy of an emergency response. So hijacking an ambulance is a perfectly logical solution to such a dilemma.

Did I yet say that Homeless Guy swiped the ambulance from a hospital? What would you think if I told you that the meat wagon was parked in front of - you got it - the emergency room entrance! This is only fitting to the narrative of this story.

There were, however, a few obstacles in the path of Homeless Guy's trek to The Booby Trap.

  • He was pulled over and subsequently arrested by Dee-troit's finest.
  • The cops track the location of the ambulance through the GPS on a cell phone inadvertently left behind.
  • The Booby Trap had been out of bidness for quite some time.
  • Also, Homeless Guy had some "mental health issues".
  • Ya think?
Having been an Impartial Observer of Some Bodacious Tatas in strip joints all across this great country of ours, I cannot condone Homeless Guy's reckless and illegal behavior.

  • Irresponsible actions such as this can only serve to motivate other Homeless Guys with a predilection for Saggy Titted Crack Head Ho Strippers to do some unnecessary ambulance-napping.
  • Stealing a cop car is far more preferrable to thieving an ambulance.
  • It will get you there faster.
  • Unless of course you are going to The Booby Trap.


  1. "with which to go witness a set of sagging knockers doing the Watusi on the chest of a crack head ho of a stripper"

    I swear, the English language was INVENTED so that sentence could exist.

    Pure genius mate, pure genius.

    1. And all you Brits have is Shakespeare. :)

      Thanks, Pink!

  2. So I just shared this on G+ and the pic that came up belongs to one "Pink Noam" which makes it look like, just maybe, Pink Noam is the homeless ambulance stealin' titty-seekin' Homeless Guy. God bless the innerwebs.

    1. That happend to me earlier too.

      He'll be thought of as the Homeless Guy, I now look gay. NTTAWWT. LMFAO


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