It's almost that time again!
The 5th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards are just a few weeks away!
Now don't confuse The Dummies with those Fake Ass Bullshit Hollywood Commie Pussy Awards like the Oscars or the Emmys. We don't play that yak poop here at Dumbass News. We deal in reality.
Spoiler Alert: All that stoopid shit you see at the movie theater or on TV is made up! While I realize that many of you Dumbasses are too drunk or stoned to connect with what is in the vernacular called "real life", I hate to break it to you that Hollywood deals in fantasy.
Think about it for a minute, is anybody in LaLa Land creative enough to come with a story about a Dillweed that crams a supper fork up his pee hole? Hell. To. The No.
Over the last year alone, The Dumbass Horde has grown by over one million Dumbasses. It therefore stands to reason that thousands of our New Dumbasses are not familiar with the Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards, so let me splain.
The Dummies Splained
In some ways, The Dummies are like those fake pussified awards like the Oscars or Grammys. We'll have several categories of Dummies in which there will be a few nominees for each one and each category will have a winner. (You have no idea how difficult it is to write "winner" and "Dummies" in the same sentence.) We'll slog our way through the various groups, name a winner (there's that word again) and work our way up to the biggie, the 5th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Award.
Unlike Hollywood or the music industry, The Dummies recognize the "achievements" of real people, Dumbasses like you and me. We don't go for all that fakery and Liberal weenie, touchy-feely, made up bullshit you'll find in the movies or the cop-killing, racist, bitches and hoes crap in today's music.
We settle for nothing less than World Class Dumbassery.
Nominate Your Favorite Dumbass!
This is where you come in.
I am about to ask you to do something that ain't easy. Well, it's easier than rolling a joint with mittens on, but it ain't easy none the less. I want you to pick out your favorite Dumbass Story from 2014! Even if it's a Best of Dumbass News ( a "rerun" as it were) story. For these kinds of stories I am gonna add a new category of the Dummies for 2014 - The Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Lifetime Achievement Award!
Leave your nomination for the 5th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards in the comments, or if you'd rather spare yourself the embarrassment of publicly acknowledging that read this drivel, shoot me an email with your choice to realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com.
Find your favorite by sifting through the Dumbass News archives by using the "Search" box in the right hand sidebar or simply give me a hint in the comments about which story you'd like nominated and I'll look it up myself.
As you can see, there's a lot at stake here, so make your voice heard!