We have covered some wild ass DUI stories here on Dumbass News.
- The guy who was all likkered up while driving a bull dozer.
- Another Dumbass was busted at a DUI checkpoint when he was ratted out by a parrot!
- My favorite DUI story is prolly the one where the idjit tried to beat the breathalyzer by sucking on his underwear!
To begin with, there is of course the obligatory first step of getting obliterated.
Speaking from the perspective of a Former Professional Drinker, I can without reservation tell you that it is at this point that the real fun begins.
Next on the Get Commode-Huggin' Drunk and Commit Crimes Against Persons and the State To Do List is to, with malice and aforethought, plan a criminal act - say, like, a robbery.
The next step in this process is to steal a horse. Lord knows that a Drunk Dumbass behind the wheel of a motor vehicle is a terrible idea. A Drunk Dumbass on a horse on the other hand is a much better idea.<---Dripping Sarcasm Alert
So the Drunk Lady On the Sober Horse moseys on down to a local food store to initiate the rest of her
|Sober Horse (Now in Witness Protection Program)|
However we all know that the best laid plans of mice and men (and Drunk Redneck Chicks on stolen horses) often go astray.
And that's exactly what happened here.
The Drunk Lady On the Sober Horse caused a big ruckus at the scene of the crime and was dealt with accordingly by the Drunk Lady On Sober Horse Task Force of the DeKalb County, Alabama Sheriff's Department.
No word on whether she tried to defeat the breathalyzer by sucking Second Hand Ass from her underwear.
The Sober Horse was given a Red Delicious Apple and released on his own recognizance.
***Hat Tip HuffPo ***